Feeling like crap tonight

[Kangaroo_Alice]

Feel like a total outsider in my own house. Spouse always, and I mean always, tries to hang with twenty-somethings to show them how cool and funny he is. Whether it’s my kids and their partners or extended family, all they talk and laugh about are college days (spouse is in his mid 50’s) and drinking/bar stories. I never went to live on campus and don’t drink or go bar hopping. That’s just not my interest. Not saying it’s bad at all, I am interested in things that are totally foreign to them. But, the whole room is now filled with people exchanging stories and I have nothing to offer. The thing is, spouse knows this and makes no effort to steer the conversation towards things we can all talk about. This goes on all through the party, not just a 1/2 hour of people reminiscing. Every time.

My biggest hurt through the years is that I don’t fit in with family and/or his friends. They’re all great people and I like them a lot, but I am in a different world than them. I always feel like there’s a glass wall between me and them. And, especially tonight, I really, deep down, feel like I must be being punished for something. People say “be yourself “. Well, no one is interested in “myself”. Not even family. I am on the verge of tears because I feel like disappearing. Sick of this constant pain and I can’t talk to anyone about it without them kind of blowing it off. So glad I have this space to be myself, vent, cry and chat.

[Hidden]

I'm very sorry this is how you feel. I'm not sure what I can say to help. I'm having a lousy Christmas Eve myself. Got into a huge argument with someone. I want to visit my parents tomorrow on Xmas day but I don't have a car and what's worse is I don't think some members of my family even care if they don't see me. I've always been sort of a loner and I guess I always will be. Sometimes I don't like party situations that much. I'd rather get to know someone one to one than be around superficial people at a get together.

[Kangaroo_Alice in reply to Hidden]

So sorry that you had to have a stressful argument, especially around the holidays. That’s stress enough. Do you have anyone that you can reach out to? Or is that not an option for you? You do know that you have us to show concern and give you encouragement. I am SO on board with what you said about people not missing you if you don’t come somewhere. I am also a loner. An undiagnosed empath. Way sensitive. Hate small talk. Parties pretty much always felt “off” to me, even as a kid.

Are you going to spend tomorrow pampering your mental health? Because that would be so good for you. Just be so good to yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Kangaroo_Alice]

Thank you. Be good to yourself too. Let your husband do his thing and let you be you. You're all right with me!!!!🙂

[sweetiepye]

I'm guessing your husband has some major insecurity issues . Most 50 year olds who hang with 20 year olds do . What do they have in common except drinking and past glories on your husbands part. You're trying to fit into the wrong group of people, you'll do better with the other grownups . I'm not putting collage kids down , some are very mature but they are not going to take on someone in their 50 . They will listen and laugh later and your husband could look rather pathetic .

You be good to your self.