Today is a difficult day. During a year that has left thousands of people forced to stay in their homes, I have felt some of the worst anxiety and depression in years. Last week my town received more than 40 inches of snow. I was snowed in for days, alone after spending most of the year alone, suppressed to doing little because of the pandemic. The only light I had other than my family on Facetime was my best friend and boyfriend. On Friday, he dumped me. Rationally, I understood where he was coming from. He was kind and supportive. And in a way, I kind of knew that we were always meant to be just friends. But the anxiety, loss, and grief that I have felt are unlike any other I have felt since my father died.
I deal with physical anxiety on a normal day-to-day basis. I'm always on edge, I often find my heart racing, thoughts racing, and body tingle in high-stress situations. I began treatment for depression at a young age when I lost my father. This weekend, I found myself unable to sleep, unable to stop crying, unable to eat, and physically shaking unable to catch my breath. If I tried to eat, I threw it up. I found myself pacing back and forth constantly asking myself out loud, "What do I do?" I relied the best I could on my support system through my phone. And yes, I have a great family and close friends that helped as best they could given the conditions.
I'm concerned that my anxiety is not being treated as best it can, as it was 12 years ago when I was first evaluated. It would be helpful to know how others have worked through similar processes with anxiety disorders. Any kind words, suggestions, or support is welcome.
Thank you for listening.
Stuck
Slowly losing faith again…
Tension headaches 
Struggling with medication
