I’ve seen lots of posts about people having trouble with relationships and family.
We can’t always choose what happens, but we can choose our response. That is probably a broken record by now 😂 but it’s so true. The way we respond is very important.
There’s always another side to the things that happen in life, especially in interactions. No matter what people do or say to you, those people are still important There’s another side to the story, their side. Let’s say you continually have bad fights with family or someone you’re in a serious relationship with and you tell yourself that they’re toxic. I don’t believe people are toxic, although their actions may be. Most of the time people behave badly because of stress, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. The more stress, the less control of temper. You may not like what they do, but they are human and worthy of love just as you are Yes, you definitely don’t have to stick around when they make poor choices, but treating them with hate makes your actions ‘toxic’ too. There are ways to remove yourself from a situation/relationship with love.
Whatever your circumstances, rise above the inclination to respond to hate and pain by inflicting more hate and pain. When somebody says or does something that offends you, take a step back and calm your mind. “Don’t fight fire with fire” as they say, respond with love Try to understand their side, think about what they’re going through, their upbringing, traditions or culture, try to see why they would act the way they are, and strive to help them if you can. You don’t know everything though, so askthem to share their side of the story so you can understand better. They could be under a lot of pain and/or stress, and don’t you want help when you’re in that situation? When in doubt, act with love
Imagine the good that would happen if everyone stepped outside their own world and tried to help others and understand, and respond with love rather than hate. We’d all have a happier world
I challenge and encourage you all to take on this goal: Always act with love and immediately expel any hate that enters your heart and mind.
This is a goal, so it’s okay if there are bumps and bruises along the way, just do the best you can I wish you all the best!
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FriendlyDude
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Great question. I hope I have a good answer. You can’t choose what they do, or change the past. But, you can accept where you are and redirect your course to where you want to go.
I think the word “ruin” is based more on personal perspective. It might seem like things are ruined, but you can learn some valuable lessons. If you see it like that, your life isn’t ruined, you are simply up against your next challenge and you can become an even better person by overcoming it. Challenges are how we grow There are different kinds of ruin so I’m not sure where to go for specifics. Relationship ruin and financial ruin are two very different things (unless the relationship is the cause of financial ruin I suppose), and there are other types of ruin too. So your question is a little vague on that part, but l’ll do my best
If these people that ruin your life are people you can break away from, then you might want to consider that. Break up, divorce, break partnership, change jobs, move out/away from the bad situation entirely, or anything else you can come up with. Make sure it’s reasonable if you’re gonna do any of those, salvage what you can. If needed and available, contact social services, there are ways to get out of bad situations and get help. If you can’t, won’t or don’t need to do any of that, you’re gonna have to be patient until you can take matters into your own hands and get out of the situation.
If you can resolve whatever’s causing your ruin without dissolving relationships (business, social, personal, or any other kind), that’s a path I strongly suggest you take.
Whatever you need to do, just do it with love
I hope that answers your question, I wish you the best!
You’re welcome I am just good ol’ 18 year old me, so I definitely don’t have all the answers 😂 I’m sure an answer for you will come in time, just be patient and do the best you can I hope things get better for you
I have done all this and I feel like I am just expected to do everything be the one to give in and to bend etc, etc which may sound like I am not doing my part but I try to but it does not seem fair that I have to do what they say and they never seem to bend to me but nvm this is just drama IDK why I decided to post it.
Hey LunaChild. Just read your post about your brother. I'm sorry you are having this stressful situation to deal with. I don't really know any good advice for this, except "live and let live." You are both set in your ways at this point, The way you help/ take care of your parents is great, and who knows what is going on in your brother's mind. Everyone has problems of their own.
Sometimes family is just too close to communicate with, if you know what I mean. It's never easy. Hang in there!
I agree with Phil, and in addition to “live and let live” I’d just say to accept that it’s your brother’s choice for what he does with his life, and like Phil said, you don’t know what’s going on in his mind. Everyone has problems, so try to let go of any frustration/hate you may have (if you have any at all). I don’t think your parents would want to see you two having a feud. Just do your best to focus on what you can do. What you do for your parents is absolutely amazing! You are holding up family tradition which is super important to you and your parents, you are doing great things for them, and we can see how much you care for them Keep up the good work! You are amazing! I wish you the best
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There’s another side to the story, their side. Let’s say you continually have bad fights with family or someone you’re in a serious relationship with and you tell yourself that they’re toxic. I don’t believe people are toxic, although their actions may be. Most of the time people behave badly because of stress, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. The more stress, the less control of temper. You may not like what they do, but they are human and worthy of love just as you are 
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