We’re all the bad guy to someoje

[faulhallen]

I haven’t written in quite a while. I’ve been even worse about writing back messages to people and I’m sorry. So quick update for the last year or so. I met someone great, things are going so amazingly well and I’m happier than I have been in years! Hurray!

I still have to deal with my ex-wife! Boooooooooooo!

So I’ve been thinking about the line in the image a lot lately. My ex-wife has that affect on me.

Especially with the newest thing, my daughter’s birthday. So she was hesitant to meet my girlfriend but after doing so seems to really like her and adores my girlfriend’s daughter. It’s so adorable and the last time my kids came over for the weekend my daughter seemed happier to see my girlfriend’s daughter than she was to see me.

So we officially celebrated my daughter’s birthday last time she was over. It was a lot of fun and we had decorated the kitchen and nearly all of it was because my girlfriend loves birthdays and wants my daughter to feel special. It was great.

But I normally wouldn’t have seen my daughter on her actual birthday so I asked my ex if I could get off work if I could take her to lunch a couple of weeks ago. When my daughter was here last we talked about it and it was determined we’d all go. Me my daughter, my girlfriend and her daughter. A couple of days later I hear from my ex.

Supposedly my daughter is in tears because she wanted it to be just the two of us doing lunch and that under no circumstances was my girlfriend apparently welcome.

Ummm... ok? You could have fooled me. My daughter seemed so happy about it when we were here, goes out of her way to include my girlfriend and her daughter in what we do and regularly gets sad because she doesn’t want to go home but whatever. I guess she wants alone time.

So I talk to my daughter directly and supposedly it’s all good. I had to help watch my girlfriend’s daughter anyway and my daughter said if my girlfriend got off work early enough then she could come to.

So I pick up my daughter from her grandmother’s, my girlfriend got off work early, we pick up some pizza and dessert and then all go and eat at a local park on a truly lovely day. We play tag and have a glorious time. My daughter never once seemed upset, disappointed or anything and seemed to genuinely happy.

Then my ex sees my girlfriend in the car when I take my daughter home and is furious.

I get that there’s an argument that I should have respected my ex’s wishes, but I don’t believe she has any right to dictate how I spend time with my daughter during our time together. I go out of my way to spend time with my daughter 1-on-1 in person and virtually with the pandemic. I spend time with her alone on our weekends as well.

The way I look at it, my daughter is 10. I don’t believe I’m a particularly intimidating individual and always encourage my daughter to be open and honest. If my daughter is that horrifically terrified to tell me the truth then THAT is what’s wrong.

But it brings me back to the picture. I made sure my daughter had a great time on her special day.

No matter what I do I will always be the bad guy in my ex’s eyes. If I did nothing I’d be a bad father. If I act like a good father she still starts fights. It got noticeably worse after I told her I was done with her but when will it end? She has literally gotten mad at me before because our daughter seemed to like spending time with me more than her.

So if you’re going through a hard time, now or in the future because of someone else, remember that it doesn’t matter how nice, or compliant, or determined you are, someone will always look at you as a villain.

I will try and respond to the messages at some point this weekend. I am so bad about responding to messages anymore though.... I’m sorry that’s the case. I hope that everyone on here is staying safe and at least slowly healing and doing better and better!

[Agora1]

Hi faulhallen, it was good to hear from you. Never any need to apologize, life does go on and we understand. You certainly have a bittersweet issue with your daughter, your girlfriend and her daughter. I too believe that your daughter probably does enjoy doing things together with the 3 of you. However, at 10years old, she is old enough to feel that tug between her mother and your new life.

It's really no one's fault. I know how you feel that you will always be considered the bad

guy but that's their problem. You can't change how someone feels but remember you can

change how you react to their actions.

Loving your daughter is what she will long remember after this awkward time is over.

Hopefully, time will heal the open wounds. Good Luck xx