Is there anyone else who has experienced this?

[Kirinita]

I am 24, and after my high school I always wanted to get into a relationship but couldn't because I thought no one will be able to love me after knowing me. At the age of 21, I met this guy, liked him and we got into relationship. I told him that I do not want us to get physical till I get comfortable, he agreed. He never crossed the line in first 3 yrs and never complained too. But some 8-9 months ago he did. I didn't say much and just said that u should have asked before.

Then again after 2 months he did it again, this time he went further ahead. He was drunk and I was sober. It wasn't expected and I couldn't comprehend it. I didn't know that time what to do. I pushed him but he ignored. I couldn't hit him or shout maybe because he wasn't a stranger and I felt so helpless that I started crying badly. That's when he realized n stopped immediately.

He asked me what Happened and i just diverted the topic. I tried to forget all that, but couldn't. I started behaving rude to him( not deliberately). I even lost my Ph.D that time after working for 7 months. All this affected my mental health a lot. I would just lay in my bed whole day and ate one meal.

He started ignoring me, maybe he didn't want my frustrations in his life. I was frustrated but he disappointed me. So, I broke up with him. For first 10-12 days he thought I would regret my decision and will get back to him. But I didn't, I cried, suffered but Didn't get back to him.

That's when he realized its real. Since then he's consistently trying to get back. It's been more than 3 months now. I don't know what to do. I care for him and we have so much beautiful memories together. He has done things for me I can't even expect someone else to do that for me.

I feel he wasn't really at fault, he stayed in control for more than 3 yrs but he knew how much this would take toll on my mind. I just can't get physical, it leaves me feeling miserable. I can't make him suffer anymore.

Sorry!! I had no intentions of writing unnecessarily long story but just wanted to make it clear that he wasn't a stranger.

[Hidden]

You have your reasons why you reacted the way you did. It was up to Him to respect your wishes and accept you are a girl with her own ideas in a relationship. You have nothing to regret. You will meet someone who will follow your wishes and respect them. This is how we can make a relationship last. Your boyfriend was very silly

BOB

[Kirinita in reply to Hidden]

Actually I don't regret breaking up. What makes me worried is why am I not able to get close to some one.

[Hidden in reply to Kirinita]

Be patient, you need to catch your breath and move on accordingly. Sometimes after a relationship it can be problematic. Jumping into something new, to soon can be problematic and that can cause problems. In other words take a holiday from that part of your life, sometimes you can suffer what I call a dead cat bounce when we try to force ourselves to move on. However Christmas and New Year is on its way I suppose you never know what life may throw at you. Be patient and catch your breath, you will love again

BOB

[Kirinita in reply to Hidden]

Thanks 😊