How are You?

[Kat_21]

How is everyone? I've been moving lately, so I'm pretty stressed out. But I think lately the thing that has me the most stressed is my husband. We feel like roomates now. We don't sleep in the same bed (I'm 22, he's 28 so it's not really what I call 'normal' for a married couple our age) and anytime we talk we end up arguing so we pretty much avoid talking all together. Hoping things will get better though. If anyone needs to vent, I'm here! Hope everyone is doing okay with how things are right now.

[Grateful71]

Hi Kat_21, things sound tough. It's hard when you don't feel as connected as you want to with someone you love. Maybe some quiet time following moving will give you both time to reflect on what you want. Best wishes

[Kat_21 in reply to Grateful71]

Thank you, and I'm hoping so. We've been living with family for almost a year so I'm hoping being on or own again will help the relationship. I hope you're doing well, and best wishes to you as well.

[FearIsALiar]

Hey I’m sure things will get better soon. Maybe you should try and have a talk with him but let him know that you aren’t trying to argue or you simply don’t want to argue!

Things have been a bit stressful for me as I’m going through a breakup and simply cannot get this person off my mind. It’s like every hour of the day he’s on my mind..everything reminds me of him. I hope I’ll be okay soon. I hate feeling like this and anxiety/depression on top of it all is certainly no help.

[Kat_21 in reply to FearIsALiar]

Yea I understand that. I hope things get better for you.

[JkBauer]

Good afternoon, Kat,I hope that you and your husband are starting to come around. Even though your own struggles you take time to stop by here and ask how all are doing and you are willing to be available to listen and talk to others who are struggling. What a kind and wonderful gesture on your part!- I know it is the hardest to talk to your own spouse and work on your own struggles- I have been there myself. I hope you do not mind if I give you a couple of things that I have learned with me and my husband? 1). You can not make your husband talk, but you can learn a lot from his body language. For every negative you see in him, find one positive thing that you can appreciate about him and then tell him how much you appreciate that about him. (Trust me, it is extremely hard at first to say it out loud to him!) Once you become determined to tell him the positives about him, you will start to notice a good change in your relationship. 2). As hard as it is to not think about the; " me issues, what if's, no's, I don't care's..." while you are in the middle of them remind yourself that your husband has had just a hard of a day as you have had or struggling through problems of his own that he does not know how to express. (Men are not like women where they can express their feelings and emotions). I learned that sometimes as a wife you have to be there for your husband in a quiet and being truly interested in his way of expressing his own problems. It might be a quick "Hello, honey, or Welcome home or I am so glad you made it home safely tonight..." Then if he does not want to talk that is okay! Give him a smile and a little kiss on the cheek then go about finishing up dinner or whatever you might be doing. Make sure to come back after you are done and sit down alongside him and show interest in what he is doing without a large amount of conversation. (Say, he just wants to watch his tv show- sit down right next to him even if that means the arm of the recliner chair.) Eventually, as you keep showing interest in him you will again start to notice that your marriage relationship will be changing for the good.

[Kat_21 in reply to JkBauer]

That's actually extremely helpful, thank you! I'll definitely try doing these. I really think this would help a lot with our relationship. I get clouded by the negatives quite often and I don't really pay attention to his emotions i think (which I know is selfish!) I feel like I'm too caught up in me, thank you for commenting, this is amazing advice! Hope you're doing well!