I’m 20 years old and my life has felt like some version of hell so far. I’ve been progressively getting worse my whole life so far, and currently I feel like I’m dying.
My whole life, I’ve been shut out by people more and more so that I felt completely broken at the beginning of the year and attempted to take my own life. Since then, I’ve been in different clinics, none of which have helped me so far.
At one point I started making decisions that worsened my situation as a cry for help which didn’t work but I continued with that behavior. I understand that what I did was unhealthy and I’ve been feeling intense guilt about it so far. Then, as a result of that (or so it seems to me) I had more and more hurdles and obstacles thrown at me.
I’ve been living in constant, excruciating pain, feeling UTTERLY lost, confused, lonely, isolated, unproductive, meaningless... and it’s been getting worse such that I literally feel like I’m going to die from the stress so far.
What I want most is to be the best version of myself and help the world as much as I can. How can I start healing to get there? What steps must I take? How can I start understanding and making sense of things and lead my best life?
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Depressedsinger
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You must reach your subconscious mind and say"I am getting better everday and in every way" "I will be successful" "I will do well" you must say this everyday until you start feeling better about yourself - a bit like hypnosis
in reply to
Indieabc is right. Good advice. Take it one step at a time. Remind yourself you are cared about and liked. Someone out here in the world is praying for you.
There is someone that you may have already helped and not know it. You may be that one person that changes anothers day by simply smiling, saying have a nice day or opening a door for them. I know people have done that for me. Breathe and take these great peoples advice. They are here for you.
Hi. I'm sorry to hear this cry for help.
Easier said than done, but try not to feel guilty for what you did in the past. What done is done and can't be changed, so please try not to feel guilty. Getting rid of that guilt might help. I know that, for me, carrying around guilt and shame is a big part of the burden.
You ask what you can do to start healing. The answer is different for everyone. Do you have a therapist or someone you trust who you can talk to?
I've previously felt like I was going to die from the stress I was enduring and it was an awful feeling, so I'm m sorry you're feeling that. Speaking from experience, please trust me when I say that our bodies can endure more than we could ever imagine.
Think of yourself as a survivor. You will overcome this. I do not have all the answers, I can get really down on myself too. Sometimes I think it's important to ask ourselves- am I being too hard on myself??? There are enough cold mean people in this world, you don't need to be that way to yourself. Just try to take small steps every day to do a little better, even if it's just things like reading a positive book or article or taking a shower. I care, these are difficult times for everyone.
Life started badly for you, Singer. That was not your fault, not of your making, but it has left its scars. I am so sorry to hear of your journey so far.
Hard though it will be, draw a line under the suffering you have experienced. I have to tell you that because it started badly doesn't mean it has to continue that way. But you must abandon the baggage of the past, all of it, for it will surely hinder your advance and any chance of true happiness that all men and women aspire to.
Singer, you have three-quarters of a life left. Answer me this.
If I was in the same room as you could you hear me speak to you? Could you see me? If I asked you to stand up and cross the room towards me could you do so?
Then you have everything you need to build a good and rewarding future for yourself free from your former demons.
Set yourself the goal of good times ahead. Work towards them by choosing good friends carefully. Engage yourself in life's work you will truly enjoy. Live somewhere that feels right the first time you enter.
Your past did not destroy you so it has made you stronger.
Most people that start their lives out with depression are this way because they have a deep sensitivity of emotion. This deep sensitivity can be expressed as talent. Most of these individuals are very different from common people that aren’t as affected by extremely deep emotions leaving them feeling alone, isolated and misunderstood. My best advice for you is because your emotions are too strong for you to bear, seek professional care and medication that can help with social anxiety and depression. You may never feel like you totally belong because you are different, but you will be able to more appreciate yourself for your uniqueness and be able to focus on what you can give to the world rather than focus on what you feel like you need from the world. Godspeed to you my friend. You really aren’t alone, just rare, and I wish there were more of you because you make me feel not so alone. Thank You for sharing!
Do you have Borderline Personality Disorder? The description you've given of your experience to date suggests this may be your probable diagnosis. If so, the best advice I can give is to try to get some specialist help from a qualified Psychologist, using Dialectical Behaviour therapy. Unfortunately, it's not available on the NHS, who prefer CBT, which doesn't work for BPD sufferers, so you'd have to go private and pay for a therapist.
Depressed,
If I wasn't reading this I would have thought I wrote it..
You're So depressed and want to Do So much better but don't know how ??!!!
A big key for me was (easier said than done) to simply not care about what other people think about me anymore...
I've learned they really don't care about me when I want so bad for them to...
You can't make them care about you or treat you right... They won't Ever Do Either of these things If you walked on water for them...
So I don't try to anymore and instead only try to make sure that I don't offend anyone, because I have learned that is so very Easy to do!!
What are your thoughts, and I'm so sorry for how I know you are feeling...
I was just like you at about your age. I was lost and just drifting around. I did not have a compass on which way to go in life. What is the purpose of life I would ask? A minister told me that God was my friend. He told me to find out more in the Bible. In one book in the Bible it says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit." That was me (and still is at times). The minister told me that God had a plan for me. God put me here for a purpose. There is a book called = The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? by Rick Warren. Great book. It will help you go in the right direction. Another thing that helped was to join a singles ministry at a local church. That was a great place to learn about relationships and God's plan for me. Lots of good people there.
Good luck my friend! God Bless You! Be sure to pray for God's direction in your life! Read his word - the Bible.
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Should I better die?! 
Where’s the light? I don’t see it 
I don’t know what I’m doing
I don’t want to be here anymore
I don’t know what I want anymore 
