Taking a sabbatical from this site - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Taking a sabbatical from this site

HelpingElbow
HelpingElbow

Hi everyone

Four years ago, when I joined this community as a listener, I intended to help people who wanted support. Just like any other therapist, the focus was to make them feel understood by stepping into their shoes. The idea was to empathize and positively encourage them.

This platform was never meant to be a social media platform. It's completely digressed from what it was, a few years ago. There's also a surge in the number of junk posts these days. Suddenly, everyone is a doctor or a philosopher. Some creeps are unfortunately using this platform as a dating site.

That's not the worst of it, because a few of them have also taken their conversations offline, either to Instagram or other social media channels. What happens outside this platform is completely unsolicited and one must do it at their own discretion. Unfortunately, efforts to curb such intentions have gone in vain.

Let's say, an individual comes on this platform and gets the necessary support. Eventually, it would enable him or her to leave this platform. Believe it or not, it makes me happy. Over the past couple of years, few individuals were so content and fulfilled with the support offered by this community that they never had to return. Ideally, that's how it's supposed to be!

It's analogous to a bird whom you have looked after and later set it free. They never return but you have to be satisfied because you have fulfilled your duty.

I am aware of people relapsing, so I believe some of them need continuous support. The frequency of support could be once a day, twice a week, or more. Because that's what therapists do.

There's no denying that some people take undue advantage of this platform. They repeatedly post the same problem in 1-2 hours and do not give a damn about any replies. It pains me to see individuals seeking attention, rather than discussing and solving their problems. The social media behavior of getting 'likes and comments' is very apparent now.

I feel sorry for some responders who offer their support but only in vain. On the other hand, those who truly need our support are left aside with unanswered posts! I feel sorry for them, too.

This social media behavior is not really acceptable to me. I know, some people know me and count on me. My doors are always open for them. I have turned on my email notifications, so I would know if someone wants to have a conversation. But at the moment, I am calling it quits.

Special thanks to Agora1 for helping this community. She's been my resourceful partner who has constantly supported everyone on this platform.

Adios. Lots of love to you all.

35 Replies
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I totally agree with you. It is really sad to see that some people are using this site as a social media. They dont have any problems in their life and just post for their time pass and the people who really need support are just left unnoticed.

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I appreciate you for sharing this and voicing your concern, I feel it is was done in love and respect.

I have to agree. There has been more than one discussion on this site's recent direction, so you aren't the only one to notice this. I also want to help people, but sometimes I have to scroll quite a ways down before I find one that's in the true nature of this site and might benefit from my help.

I think admin's caught onto this as well since they posted awhile back, wanting feedback on the site.

Thanks for posting and thank you for being a part of this community. Good luck with your future endeavors!

Great comment MinnieMouse1234, I don't understand why admin does not limit the number of posts in a row from the attention seekers, as well as the guessing games and the list the things you love most in your closet... etc., posts. Why isn't there any kind of redirect for these kinds of posts to maybe a group just for this stuff? There are a lot of us distressed, depressed, and anxious about the climate of the world right now, and I had really been proud of this place for being a safe place, and a helpful place for those in need for a long time. I've been here a few years now and seen this place completely change to a social media site mostly, and yes... a little levity now and then to brake the despair is not un-welcome...but the constant nonsense posts are really dragging this place down.

Thank you! I shouldn't be used to things going in a direction they are not intended for but, to tell you the truth, I am. I get carried away sometimes with a post that's not geared towards this platform's purpose. It might be human nature to succumb to peer pressure, it might be for the purpose of having some fun, or it might be a little of both. For me it's both.

Every online community seems vastly different. I've only been a member of two -- this and the RLS one. I cringed a bit when helpinglbow mentioned people seeming like doctors because that is what my first community was full of unfortunately. Everyone in there was a doctor and was confident that, because they suffered from the syndrome, they knew better than them. There was tons of unsolicited medical advice going on.

I, like Helpinglbow and some others, spoke up about that. That's one mistake I will not be making again! Needless to say I chose not to stay. I thought I had found heaven when I joined this community. I start getting a bad feeling again when I see just one hint of people playing doctor. If I lean towards that way as well please bring it to my attention. I don't mean to be that way but, again, that was what my first community was about and was theredore my introduction to how online sites are. (That is the long way of saying that people might unknowingly be adopting the moods of the other communities they've been part of).

Yes I agree faux. I have been here longer than most and the site has slowly turned into a version of fb complete with swearing and endless 1 sentence posts from a couple of people. I have nothing against a few feel good posts but not being taken over by them. This is inappropriate. I'm sure admin said they will consider 2/3 a day but any more would be removed. They don't seem to be sticking to it. It's time the site returned to it's primary function ie to support and help others with anxiety and depression. And to seek the same when we need it.

I don't think anything is going to change really, now that there is money to be made with the number of members data and input...it's the numbers that matter these days sadly, data is the new currency. Hence all the hoops you go through to sign in now if you have any cookie filters on. When I joined there were 6700 members, and we were a pretty compassionate little family atmosphere. Things change, and that's normal, but it's become way too indifferent and superficial sadly. Maybe that's a sign of the times, and we will just have to accept it. I'm glad though that some of us old schooler’s stay in touch...it's the only thing that I look forward to here anymore, or I'd be long gone.

People like you are the only reason I stay too faux.

back at ya babe....

💕💕 xx

Thank you for your contribution. People who offer so much insight, even when leaving, will leave a giant hole here

well said

I would like to thank you HelpingElbow for the role you have played up till now as listener and supporter. Your goodbye post has a lot of food for thought and makes me question whether I have been making proper use of this resource or have been one of the offenders. I will definitely be more mindful of the purpose of the support group from now on.

As this is my first experience with social media of any kind, yes I have absolutely no other social media presence, I have been learning social media behavior from HU as I go. Maybe I have picked up some bad habits without realizing. Thanks for the reality check!

All the best!

A post such as this to a group of insecure people and everyone thinks they're the one being called out. It's really not funny, but in a way it sort of is.

Haha true! Although I must admit my ears started burning at the mention of seeking “likes and comments!”😊

Maybe there just shouldn’t be a “like” button...???

Maybe not...😊

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to Phil-4-13

Nothing wrong with likes used properly. I put them when I agree with a comment someone has made, or someone being very honest with themselves.

I agree with Bev... ‘likes’ are also a way of acknowledging a person’s efforts to express themselves and for those who just want to show compassion or can identify with said posters views can leave a ‘like’. It is proven though that the 'like' button for some becomes a Pavlovian reward for attention seeking. So it's a 50/50 issue to have or not to have a like button.

Thats life !

Yikes. I just came here for the second time to try to find some support. This is disconcerting. But whatever. Best of luck.

Hi. Yeah, this is the problem with posting any criticism about the site. New people see that and are turned away.

We really are a good, supportive site. We just have some kinks like everything does.😊

If you do a post on what you need help with you will get lots of support!😊

I’ve had one of the hardest days in a very long time today. But I came here hoping to see some like minded individuals and for the most part everything I’ve seen was supportive and helpful. Of course there’ll be issues...we’re all human and screw up and say and do stupid things. But I’m glad to see that for the most part people are trying to be supportive. I appreciate your reply.

You're very welcome! I'm sorry you're having hard a day. Would you like to talk about it?

Compared to most other sites though, this still is far safer...that's the most beneficial along with the feedback which is usually constructive. I think its okay to mention room for improvement or back to basics suggestions,… that's constructive.

I was trying to make lesleynd more comfortable, but yes, I could've included the word constructive. I actually started to write that, but then deleted it. I should have kept it.

Your a good person Minnie...I know that you care...and people will take what we say in their own way....good or bad...no matter what our good intentions might have been. So just be yourself and that's good enough. If someone takes what we say out of context or the wrong way, we can try to clear the air...but sometimes we have to just remember the hypersensitivity factor here is always going to be an issue, it's the nature of what the site is about....so try not to take it too personally if that happens. Better to have tried than not to sometimes. Many if not most don't even try because of the fear of reprisal. It takes courage to comment or post, but I have over the years rarely had bad reactions, and most were resolved...so go for it....express yourself.

Thank you😊

You know what really irks me about this site? That we have at least a couple people who have used the personal messaging system to attack others, but then have been allowed to post on here like nothing's happened. Why isn't there a policy of "attack someone once, get banned"? I mean, how else are these two-faced people going to learn that their behavior is not acceptable?

tend to agree mostly another platform I use is rife with spamming the wall every few hours and people in apparent distress due to a hair cut that went wrong.these posts went on for weeks and weeks I`m not doubting it was distressing but the fact is they done nothing about it and kept posting in turn other users missed out on support.every online platform will have scammers users looking for dates its up to moderators to police the forum more regular to take down these type of users.the other platform I use one user posts at least 10 post about the Jehovah witness but that is seen as ok and non triggering even though an old friend committed suicide because he felt brainwashed by them but the moderators said its fine even though it triggers me.a lot of users find connections on here and that`s great but it does spill over as people do feel less supported.one terrible user of this forum had so many people fooled on here and some admitted only commenting on this posts I found that incredibly disrespectful to everyone else and when this user was found to be a fraud some of the users she had fooled have disappeared from the forum.there is a way to make it a more level playing field but my suggestion to turn of the ability to comment after a said amount was seen as a stupid idea even though they could still help this user in private messages.its great though that we have so many active users each day and if we can help support one person each through difficult times then its worth it even with the spammers.

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to kenster1

Hi Kenny...all great points I think...and yes...that member was allowed to spin their tales for far too long on the site to cause chaos. And a lot of our old friends have gone quiet and dormant. You’re a long time member here like Bev., I've only been here for a few years, but we all have seen these trolls come and go, and I think that admin should allow members to block comments from people they choose to, it stops drama in it's tracks. But I was told they could not, I know that’s not true, many other sites I had been on allowed you to block members, and this site added fairly recently an option that now allows you to block someone’s PM's, so why not be able to block members comments. We can report a post that does not conform to the 'Terms' of the site, and then it's up to HU and admin.

kenster1
kenster1 in reply to fauxartist

some of the forums have (volunteers)not just supporting people but also to report any issues it should be possible for these volunteers to have the ability to turn off comments or remove scammers and obvious trolls its a matter of trust and lots of members could be trust even give it a trial run but I wouldn`t have a clue how that could develop probably comes down to money.a few users come up with ideas and they seem good but nothing ever gets taken on board.the other I use people get upset about using icons as a term of support and when you do reach out they can`t handle what you say.these forums are more important than ever so they need to make them bullet proof safe and secure but fair to everyone also.

PS admin my notifications are not working please fix them.

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to kenster1

That happened to me too....remember when you were wondering why I wasn't answering my PM's?.... admin told me there is some algorithm program that can accidentally turn off our PM responses....but admin has to turn them back on. I'd write to them Kenny...it took me a couple of times. I didn't even know this was happening because they didn't notify me that this happened...I had to write them and find this out. It caused a lot of hurt feelings for people who had this done and didn’t know about it.

kenster1
kenster1 in reply to fauxartist

messages seem ok but when I`m on my wall the notifications don`t show up some how but they do when I`m on the forum.

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to kenster1

Sometimes when I have certain 'filters' on, like my pop up blockers, or add blockers, or even my VPN, I can't get certain options to appear on a page. But I would write to admin and HU help, they were the ones who fixed my problem, hopefully they can help you Kenny.

How does one access an email? I am sorry you are going. I love. your picture. Glad I got to see a short part of your communication since I have not met you but wish you peace and wonderful future. My loss having missed your input as many on here seem to know you and how you have helped them.

Hello. By email do you mean private message? If so, there is an icon of two chat bubbles at the top of your screen. Hope this helps!

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