A poem

[cecilyb]

So I’m new to this app and idk what people normally share on here, but last night I wrote out a little poem/ journal entry about my experience with depression. Im not a writer or a poet so it’s very amateur & It’s not super eloquent BUT I do feel like I have finally captured what my depression feels like and that had been a real chore for me because it is so elusive. Let me know if any of you relate. It’s obviously kinda dark so read with caution.

Nothing is new here.

It’s the same mundane every day.

I keep carving a rut in the road and with every step I stumble, I am entrenched even further. 9 months of “trying” to break free, only to wake up to to the same day that I have chosen. The path I walk is a familiar one, even though it takes me deeper down. It’s a slow, comfortable death. Every day is the same death, just not quite solidified. There is still “hope” for change, but the reality is much more grim and permanent than I allow myself to see. I am choosing to walk into my grave everyday and yet I yearn for a light. For a change I’m not willing to reach for. I cry for help as my screams are slowly drowned out by the relentless marching of my own feet. Help me.

[mrmonk]

Welcome to this HealthUnlocked community, cecilyb, and thank you for sharing your poem -- I know many of us here can relate to it, or something in it.

I can relate to that clash of grim realities with hope and yearning.

Maybe the poem itself is a way of reaching toward the hoped-for change.

At any rate, I think reaching out on a forum like this is a good first step, There are lots of understanding, empathetic folks here to help you along the way.

Again, welcome, and I hope you'll continue to share with us. Take care and be well.

[cecilyb in reply to mrmonk]

Thank you for your response! I read your profile and I saw that you like to write poetry yourself and hope to write about your experience in the future. I would love to read something like that. I hope you do it someday.

I think that the poem is a way of reaching toward change, a reach is sometimes all that I can muster, but it is a reach nonetheless! I feel like the more I understand my feelings of where I’m at, the more I am able to work on changing them. This is a step.

Take care of yourself blessings.

[mrmonk in reply to cecilyb]

You're welcome! Just this morning, I was thinking on the value and necessity of being able to recognize and understand one's feelings in order to address them, or, at least, come to a place of acceptance. So, keep writing, keep reaching -- healing will take hold in time.

My eyes widened when you wrote initially that your poem captured what your depression feels like because I principally write poems to preserve what I feel in verse. Though I haven't yet written a book of poems thematically centered on my experiences with mental illness, I have written a handful of such poems, a few of which may be found in the chapbook I self-published earlier this year (if you'd like to read them, there's a link in my profile to my Wordpress page where the book can be read or downloaded for free).

From what I can glean from your profile (and your poem), you seem a creative individual. I know how anxiety and depression can rob a person of her joys -- an insidious aspect of that "slow, comfortable death" you described. But though seemingly absent, those things you love abide. Meanwhile, keep finding joy and release where you can -- whether it's watching Bob's Burgers or writing in a forum like this -- we're listening.

When you are feeling better, what sorts of books and music do you enjoy? What sorts of games?

[Hidden]

Hi welcome to the site and thanks for sharing your poem! I think it’s great that you use writing as a outlet. I write to. Sometimes writing things down gives me deeper understanding and lifts my mood. I hope you soon find the light you yearn for!

[JULIETstevens]

i'd love to read your poem please. can you email it to me?- [e-mail]. thanks in anticipation.