Its 3 am. Tears are now dried. I can feel the dryness on my face. Completely exhausted from crying and fighting. Song O SONIYO is playing on my phone. Memories are refreshed. Our first meeting, our first kiss, our tightest hug, our last meeting. But then suddenly some bad memories knocked my door. When I pushed you back, then I pushed you back again, then again. And then I ran back to you. But this time you pushed me and closed the door. I fell. Strong girl inside me shattered. A girl who could handle anything couldn't handle rejection. I begged you, did everything I could. I kept knocking your door. Nothing worked. Door remained closed. Wanna know y do I need you so much? After partying so hard we all need a bed to collapse. You are that feeling. I feel so relaxed when you smile. I ruined everything isn't it? It is very difficult. I cry every night. I promise myself no to contact you anymore. Its been 9 months. Now I am worried about myself. I cannot sleep. I talk to myself. I punish myself. This has to stop. Now I should stop knocking your door. I just wanna say i love you so much. N I tried, everything. I made mistake. I got punished by karma. But now enough of this shit.
I love you champudu
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Meganroy
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Thank you for support shnookie. Yes I have diagnosed by psychiatrist. I do not have bipolar disorder. But I am suffering from depression. Whenever I feel low or sad. I talk to myself. I don't do that. Though they are calming but it seems like i don't have control over my words. Even little thing hurts me alot. In morning I feel good. But in night constantly thoughts are circulating in my mind. I have strong urge to run away, from myself, from everyone else. I don't understand what to do
Hi Megan. It's Shnookie. Have U discussed that even if U R not bipolar but just very depressed, is there a medication to ease some of your suffering. It sounds as tho U become anxious at nighttime Perhaps if U can take a small dose of an
anti-anxiety med this can help U. I'm not pushing meds it's just sad to read how much U R suffering. There is also Cognitive behavior deep breathing, listening to music U
like that can help relax U as well. I'm here 4 U. hugs S
Thank you for sharing this. The struggle you described is one that's all too familiar and real. Over the past 3 months, I've been right where you are describing. It's been a struggle to claw my way out of that hole and find inner peace.... to heal my heart from the loss. There was a time (up til last week) when she was on my mind every second of every day... but those seconds are growing further apart. I still find myself having the memories of our time together... the good, the bad, the ugly. There are still times that I am litigating arguments and problems that we faced, that I know I could've handled differently, but didn't. And I want all of that back, but I know it will never be something I'll experience again with her. It was like a tornado that ripped through my life and has gone. Left me here with all of that damage. But.... like most locations that have experienced tornadoes and their aftermath, I can and will rebuild. This time, I'll put in a different structure that can withstand the force of another tornado. I know it may not seem like it, but you can get through this. The pain will subside. It starts with just one step.
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Checking in after 3 years
Am I too harsh on myself?
I am practicing strength And healing
I am NOT “strong and brave” (mild TRIGGERS)
I am feeling down and unhappy
