A consistent cycle

[florapeace]

Every morning I wake up with dread and anxiety. I go to work, where I feel heavy and miserable and try my hardest to avoid interaction (I work in lab, so it's a little easier to keep to myself). I spend the entirety of my shift with my headphones on trying to listen to uplifting podcasts, but am often distracted by my thoughts. I cry at work a lot more than I'd like. I go to class (sometimes-I've been skipping a lot). I go home feeling like shit, but when I'm alone in my room, no triggers, I'm able to meditate and do yoga. This makes me feel okay-not great, just okay-long enough to take care of responsibilities like cat litter and homework. As night falls and my housemates start to settle in, my anxiety takes over again and I go to bed feeling the same way that I wake up.

I think this cycle is making life unbearable for me. I am so impossibly sick of having a good hour or two of peace each day. I can't leave my house other than to go to work and class. This really sucks. I thought about starting my day with my yoga and meditation, but I get up so early for work already I feel that would mess with my sleep and cause my body to suffer. Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I quit my job and find another one? I'm just not sure anymore... I feel like maybe this life is just not for me and I should take off and live self-sufficiently on a farm in New Zealand. I just need peace

[Windsorgardener5087]

Hi, thanks for the insight into your day. I wonder if your view of the world is affected by depression?

If you haven't seen a doctor, this is a good starting point for accessing professional help to help you cope with life. Your wòrkplace and school may have free confidential employee/student assistance programs to provide some counselling.

I can understand wanting to escape to a farm in New Zealand. It's such a beautiful country with so many 🐑 and natural attractions.

[Pickles19]

I know how this feels. I’m sorry you’re going through it. One thing that helps me with sleep is doing gentle yoga before bed and meditating as I fall asleep. My therapist suggested this book, sleep recovery by lisa sanfilippo. When I wake up in the morning I try to acknowledge the negative thoughts like, “oh okay, yeah I know you’re there negative thoughts. Good morning.” and then I list a few things I’m grateful for. Even if it’s just little things like my cozy sheets or that I’ll eat breakfast soon. Hope that helps a little. Hang in there.