Today in therapy

[Theloudone]

We discovered I have no self compassion.

How do you show yourself compassion?

[Ladybug9]

It's hard: Self-Love, Self-Respect, Self-Worth... There's a reason they all start with "Self" We can't find them in anyone else. Tell the negative committe that meets inside your head to sit down and be quiet!! Hugs

[Hidden]

Hello, there is a cool website. Self-compassion.org.

If you go to guided exercises. You will see self compassion and how to do it for you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You do not need to pay for the website there are free resources including the guided exercises.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Oh, gosh. That is a hard question to answer. After a life of codependency, putting me first, is always difficult. Even the thought sometimes makes me second guess. Self worth, self esteem, sense of belonging, feelings of shame, not feeling worthy of happiness, lack of joy, etc. all rolls together. They are all roadblocks. When I tried to self-care, the people around me were so thrown off by the change that they said I was being selfish.

I usually feel best when I am helping others. Not helping by self-sacrifice, but doing something that will make a difference to someone. I collect free furniture and refinish it for the needy. I collect clothes and take it to the shelter. I collect towels for the animal shelter. I foster dogs. I help my elderly neighbors. I like the solitude of gardening. The weight of the world is ever present.

Once in a while, I take a long, hot bath. I tried painting. I watch a marathon of a tv show. I nap when I need it. I write a letter (snail mail). I spent so much time ( as a teacher) working late, making perfect lessons, caring about the outcome of students' grades, getting perfect grades in my own classes...I never enjoyed hardly any of it. No time, no energy, and I did not think I deserved it.

I turn 50 in one month. My earliest memories of this struggle go to kindergarten. It is so hard to change 45 years of a belief system. It is, however, so important to keep trying. I call it my stubborn side. My therapist sees perseverence. Find something and enjoy the ride.

[pam4him]

First, Kudos on the awareness. That's a big step. Second, self-compassion can be created. It's about being treating yourself with respect, dignity, patience, and changing some thought patterns. For example, instead of telling yourself "I sure screwed that up!", try "that didn't go like I thought it should." Then take a few minutes to journal about the event, kind of letting it out so to speak. Journal what happened, how you felt, etc. Then highlight what you had true control of (something you said, action, reaction, etc.), and lightly draw a line through the parts of the event you had no control over (another's thoughts/words/actions, weather, etc.) It's kind of studying your mind and letting go of the parts you cannot do anything about, giving a little thought to what you might do different next time. The website mentioned earlier can give you other ideas. Prayers for strength and building of self-compassion.

[Theloudone in reply to pam4him]

Thank you- this is so hard. It made me tear up. I have compassion and empathy for those I love around me- I guess it starts with shutting up the negative voice in my head

[pam4him in reply to Theloudone]

You got it. Recognize it as negative and find a positive to replace it with. It could take some time, but the more you do it, the easier it will become. Continued prayers.

[Hidden]

I think it just means to be nice to yourself. It's a process and gets easier. Like be kind to yourself. All that stuff. My therapist taught me how to hug myself. I believe it's called a butterfly hug. Self soothe...😊

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Watch Chris Goode on Facebook. Someone in this group recommended him. Young guy, but very worthy of a look. I asked a few questions on his live feed, tonight.

My take away from him was "small steps" and setting small goals. As we achieve these our self worth grows. Our self compassion will eventually follow. Goals can start as simple as drinking 2 glasses of water every day. When you achieve it, you start to believe in yourself.

Then we can start to give ourselves a break.

[Theloudone in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thanks. I will check it out