I lack the desire to live my life

[PackerGirl]

I’m really, really struggling. I’m feeling so depressed and lost and terrified about my future than all I can think about is dying. I just don’t have the internal, or external drive I once had. Aside from excruciating mental, emotional and physical pain, I still feel numb. Bizarre juxtaposition I realize, but that’s my reality. I have no one in my life that I truly matter to and now that my dogs are gone, all this existing vs living seems futile.

I am truly devastated and heartbroken over George Floyd’s murder and the continued existence and reality of racism, bigotry, homophobia, sexism, agism, and ALL the like. Just a few years ago, his murder would have driven me to fight for justice, fueled by passion and rage. Now-nothing.

I have become someone who exists and not lives and I can’t do this anymore! Where I was once a true activist and rights advocate, today I am nothing. 😢

[amoeba43]

I'm so sorry that youre struggling right now. It can be terrible to feel so little and hurt so much. At the very least, one should exclude the other, right!?

I think it's really amazing that youve had a history with activism. It sounds like something that really meant something to you.

Life can be excruciating, and over time really drain us of the hope or energy we started with.

While I know it can feel awkward or uncomfortable, I hope you can find some space to appreciate the things you've achieved and worked towards in the past, and give yourself permission to exist as a different version of yourself in the present. The future might bring more possibility and positivity, but even if it doesn't, who you are and how far you've come, and what you've given to the world up until now matters.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry for the way you feel and I do have to admit that I often feel the same way. You are full of worth and you're not alone. I feel numb everyday and feel like every days a battle.

I'm not suicidal in the sense that I have a plan though it's absolutely normal for 99% of the population to have had at least 1 thought if you're human. I have thoughts all the time however suicide is a selfish act and having lost a brother through a motorcycle accident could never think of putting my parents through that after losing a brother who was 32 at someone else's demise and neglect. I'm not saying you're suicidal at all I'm saying

The thought of living the rest of my life isn't a thought that thrills me at all. It seems like the world has changed so much since I was small. I'm a baby boomer and life was different. I went home when the street lights came on not because there was a curfew because of violent threats.

I am truly numb and feel like I fight a war in my head everyday

I'm here for you! Feel free to message me privately anytime.

Hugs to to and you are worth it, we are worth it and we can fight this! 💪🙏💙♥️💛🌞⚓🌻💪

[smoothseas]

Anther of your posts that TOTALLY resonates with me.

As I sit here and type, that tune from ‘Showboat’ where the dockhand sings... ’I gets weary, sick of trying, tired of living, and feared of dying’

I know there’s more to life than continuing to respire, but currently its remaining elusive. Is there more to it than simply the passage of youth?

[Hidden]

I can't give you much advice but I think we all feel like you do at times. I hope it passes for you soon.