Hiding from it all

[cynira]

I’m really good at putting a show for people. I hide too much of my feelings in and it hurts me inside can feel it eating at me during the day. Gives me a headache just life in general.

[Hidden]

I know that there aren’t any words that could possibly explain the pain and confusion you are experiencing right now, and there’s nothing anyone can say to fix it. Your usual positive thinking only helps for so long before you are dragged back into the darkness. Into the terrifying memories that haunt you day and night. Everything used to come so easily to you. You could flow through life’s highs and lows like an experienced surfer rides the ocean’s waves. If you wanted to do something, you could accomplish it without much thought. But after everything that has happened, you’ve slowly lost that flowing feeling. Now you feel more like someone that has never surfed in their life and is being tossed around by the crashing water. Exhaustion sets in quickly as you cling onto the surfboard, wishing for the waters to calm but feeling fear every time they do. Fearing the return of the waves, fearing what lies below the water, and fearing what might happen to you. But I am writing this to tell you that it’s okay, and you will be okay. I am living, breathing, laughing, crying, smiling proof that it is possible. Please be gentle with yourself, and although it doesn’t feel like it now, I want you to know that there will be brighter days. So, when the only solution seems to be ending it all, hold on. Hold onto anything you still love about life and don’t let that go. Let these things, and the stories of others give you hope and inspiration. Remember to meet yourself where you’re at and work from there. And try to find someone that can walk this journey with you. Someone to remind you that it’s okay, and help you get on the path to feeling better. Change doesn’t happen instantly, it’s gradual. Just keep moving. Your life, and happiness, is absolutely worth fighting for.

[Hidden]

I can relate to you