Frightening

[Jimmyspadge]

I don’t know how to word this but will try. I go around in vicious circles every day. I suffer acute anxiety at the simplest of things. Even something on television like an advert. I see something that has a connection to the circumstances I am in all the time, whether it be financial or emotional. I feel absolutely traumatised each day and it’s getting worse. I isolate myself even from even my family at home as I feel on edge in their company. I wake up early hours between 4am and 5am and I am instantly alert with thoughts about circumstances which are relentless. I got up after these thoughts this morning and said to myself that I am traumatised and I then felt a lot better. I don’t know what mental illness I have but it feels very deep. I get to a point through the day that I get very confused with the inability to carry out a simple task like taking out the rubbish to the big bin outside. I am taking 15mg mirtazapine, practice acceptance of the symptoms, but I get worse day after day. I was out shopping which I find very difficult and before I went in the store I saw someone I know and I had to wait for her to finish her shopping before I went in. Most times when I have a worry about a circumstance it grips me and grinds me down so bad that it is like a threat of life or death. On some occasions I think about the exact same thing and my mind at another time and I just feel nothing at all. I feel so messed up that I think about suicide but I only think about it. I keep getting a feeling in my head that I cannot carry out a simple task and starting to get it right now with pain starting on the right side of my head. It’s terrifying me and I just feel like I want to die right now. I can’t function

[JP26]

Hi Jimmy, that sounds pretty rough, it’s easy for me to say but try and hang in there. I’ve been trying to grasp the Claire Weekes theory myself but struggling, how are you finding this? It makes sense but putting it into practice is so so difficult.

[Jimmyspadge in reply to JP26]

I have lost the plot. Severe stress due to circumstances, which have built up over a long time. No money barely, no job, eviction looming, direct debits I cannot honour, isolation, paranoid thoughts, wife hates me and wants me to go. I went out to a shop one afternoon and I went looking for rope which I found and checked how strong it was but put it back thinking of my four children at home. At that time I had a strange dull pain in the right side of my head and then it was like I was incapable of thinking anything and like only part of my brain was working. I went on a abandoned golf course the same day and curled up on the floor just crying and realised I had lost everything and prayed to god for help and guidance. Once I stopped crying I felt quite at peace. I keep contemplating ringing the hospital as I don’t know if I have some underlying medical condition. I can’t seem to translate even to paper the symptoms I keep getting.

[JP26 in reply to Jimmyspadge]

Hi I think you should call the doctor or hospital, someone anyone is better than no one, pick up the phone and do it

[Jimmyspadge in reply to JP26]

I can’t. So terrifying. Doctor rang this morning. I told him about breaking down on the golf course but he not fully understand

[Hidden]

Hello Jimmy I understand your Doctor has prescribed a medication to help you calm your mood. So if you have explained your problems to Him.

However your condition is effecting your Life, so you will possibly need to explain more fully the reasons you feel the way you do.

CBT Sessions may help you address your Anxiety and move you on as you learn to take control of your Anxiety. Have words with your GP, it is no good being Anxious throughout your Life you need to move on

BOB

[Jimmyspadge in reply to Hidden]

I spoke to him on Thursday telling him that I am really getting desperate with symptoms which I don’t know if it’s the mirtazapine having a bad effect or not working. I have no idea, so he said do I want to try sertraline but I was so worried about trying a new one or tapering off mirtazapine or increasing mirtazapine I couldn’t make my mind up. I am in a complete mess and utterly exhausted that I want to sleep for 2 weeks