I’m new to this app but I have a lot on my mind so here we go...
Okay so there’s this guy that I’ve been dealing with for a year now, and it’s been complicated from the beginning I’ll be honest, but I was willing to make things work because I’m always so quick to stop talking to a person over the most simplest things which is why my past relationships didn’t work.. So I decided to give things a try.. I’ve ignored certain things that I shouldn’t have.. When we first met he told me that he only had one child and I ended up finding out that there’s 2 (first red flag) but anyways.. He lives a street lifestyle and I work a lot so we spent time together whenever we could which would be about 1-2 days out of the week every week and I tried to be understanding because he do have kids and he co-parents with his child’s mother and has the child while the mother goes to work so with him taking care of his kids and trying to provide he was busy and I’ve never dealt with anyone who’s been in the streets so that was a little difficult for me.. I don’t want to go too into detail but the beginning of this year he got locked up and he’s been locked up for almost 5 months now.. When he first got locked up I had no idea because I was calling him and didn’t get a response then found out after reaching out to a family member that he was in jail so after finding out where he was I wrote him and didn’t hear back from him until 3 weeks later which he said was because he “needed stamps” , I heard from his mother before I heard from him. I texted her almost everyday asking if she can call me when she hear from him and she would say okay but never did.. But that’s not even the crazy part. I went to visit him 3 times and the last time I went to see him they say he declined my visit. I was so hurt because I took my piercings out for him, and traveled up there not once, but THREE times to try and see him and he just refused. After that I wrote him and told him I was done with him and didn’t hear from him until a month later, when I asked him about refusing my visit he said he didn’t refuse it and that his child’s mother be bringing his child to see him. Since he been in jail we barely talk. I sent him my number because when he first got locked up he said he needed my number so he can call me and never even added me to his list. I sent him pictures he say he didn’t get them but I know he did.. I ended up finding out he lied to me about his age, and the only way I found out is because he went to prison and when sending him money I needed that information.. when the age came up I didn’t think it was him but it was.. he told me he was 24 and I found out he’s 27 We talk on and off literally it’s like we talk once every blue moon. Last time I talked to him was a month ago and I’m trying to be the supportive girlfriend and make sure that he’s okay because the last time I heard from him he said that COVID-19 was spreading heavily in his prison, and he also been stressing about his own problems and trying to come home to his kids so I’m trying to be understanding and not add anymore stress. I just decided to let him go because I refuse to let anyone talk to me when they choose to.... I wrote him a week ago telling him I just wanna make sure he’s okay and still no response. It just hurts that I have to let him go because even tho he have his ways, when we’re together he’s have the biggest soft spot for me and makes me feel a way no one ever did and my friends don’t understand that.. no one is perfect and I try my hardest to fight for what I want because no one is perfect but some people are worth fighting for, but I can’t keep fighting because now I’m getting mixed signals.. It hurts when you have to let go of something or someone when u don’t want to...
I’m so sorry for the long post, I tried to keep it short as possible but I keep a lot bottled up and this is me letting it out..
Thoughts 
Happy Late New Years everyone. 
A thought 
Battling depression and suicidal thoughts 
