My Battle with Depression

[Gobdoon]

As the youngest son, I was growing up in a healthy family of 5 siblings and both parents. I was attending school and was in a football academy were I played soccer which I enjoyed so much.

Then suddenly, at the end of high school the family started to fall apart. Our eldest sister who was important part of the family married and moved to another city. Then consistent conflict erupted between mom and dad. They neither separated nor lived together for more than a decade.

Then our eldest brother who was working in another city was diagnosed with mental illness and came back home. Our second eldest brother had a car accident, incapacitated & came back home. The fourth sister who’s elder than me also got some health issues. In addition, our aunty who had a mental illness for more than three decades lives with us. There is also another uncle who is drunkard.

I was able to move to another city and finish my college degree with great distinction and started a job. Then our father married another woman and left home. The sole responsibility of taking care for all those family members fallen on mom and me. I never had a life of my own but supporting others. I felt lonely, helpless, fearful and restless. No proper sleep and tired all the time. I’ve lost interest in things I used to enjoy. I don’t do sports and don’t enjoy relationships with women any more. My performance at work has nose dived and visible to everyone. I consider myself a failure and constantly blame myself. Above all, I become so indecisive that I find it difficult to decide even smaller things.

I am confused and don’t know when or even if I will be able to recover from this and start my own life.

[blackcat64013]

Hi, welcome to the forum. The good news is depression is both treatable and manageable. The starting point is book a longer than usual appointment with your primary health care provider/doctor. Depending on how confident you feel, you might start the conversation along the lines of "I think I have depression ". Your history will taken (you can use your notes in the forum). The next thing is to discuss treatment options and create a plan for the future, both worked out together. I have to say taking that first step is not easy. In hindsight, I stewed on this action for too long which did me no good mentally and physically. I can't remember who said it but a better life starts with the first step. The forum team is here for you until then and on the way 👌