I’m posting one of my personal writings to help put into words how this disease can make you feel-WORTH THE READ!

[Here4You00]

Trigger warning •••

Depression creeps up on you quietly...

In the beginning you struggle with the little things but usually decide to ignore them. it’s like a headache- you’ll tell yourself it’s temporary and it’ll pass “it’s just another bad day” Your stuck in this state of mind. You get used to putting on a social mask and continue to live among other people because that’s what you have to do. However the problem does not go away. You struggle to put on a play everyday. It starts to cost you more and more. This is why you start to fall deeper and deeper. This is when you slowly start to back away from your friends and family. Sometimes, completely shutting them out.

All satisfaction is gone. The little things that you used to enjoy? now feel worthless. Even the simplest tasks become painful and this is why you lack motivation. So why keep trying if nothing makes you happy anyway? All of this just makes you feel even worse, you get caught up in this vicious cycle.

Suddenly you find yourself living in slow motion. Days become indistinguishable. Just white noise, heaviness filling your mind and spilling over your body. You feel as if you’re never going to be happy. You continue to destroy relationships... You are ashamed of everything you’ve done & everything you haven’t.

There is a part of you that wants to make it right.

A sudden positive upsurge makes you want to go out and meet new people but it’s all very short lived; because you know it won’t work anyway. Things that excite your friends? you have no interest in. You become aware of the gap between you and the rest of the world. You feel as though you are drowning but no one is throwing you a line. You feel completely lost, sort of empty. You don’t really feel anything, like you just don’t care anymore. crying has been happening way too often.

What do normal people do when they get sad? You just don’t want to think anymore ; but depression does not care, it’s always going to be there. It is always going to be in your head. Yeah, you can take the pills and get the help but it’s always going to be there. THAT is why you hate it so damn much. It is so damn unpredictable! You could be perfectly fine then the next day or even seconds later something triggers you are right back there all over again....

[Poodie]

Hi Here for you.

I just saw this. You were not writing it as an answer to my last recent post titled something about feeling conflicted about wanted to help others here and needing to ask for help myself. But you hit the nail on the head for me. I have been putting on a play.

Why did I ever think this current isolation would not bother me to the extent that it did !?!

Very good writing. I thank you for posting it. Again, recognizing the depression helps; denying the difficulties does not. I need to learn that or I will never find ways to cope sooner rather then later.

Much thanks❤️.