Is their anything I can do

[kyla187228]

I have been struggling with my anger and sadness when I get mad I can feel it if that makes sense like its gathering in my body but I have no way to express it so I keep it inside and I just sit in a dark room hold myself and cry, and my face shows all my emotions so when people see my face they assume I have an attitude so that makes me more angry so than I lash out by yelling or screaming and I know that is not ok so what should I do?

[PastelPink20]

I feel you.

I remember, my family was getting ready to go somewhere. I had a handkerchief with roses my Nana had given to me. I stepped into my bedroom and silent sobbed. The feelings overwhelmed me and all I had was this little square clothe to try to mop up the mess. I wiped my eyes and stepped out to go, hoping I looked okay. My mom asked if I had been crying and I lashed out like she was being annoying and stupid for asking me that.

I’ll admit, when I lived at my moms house, when that side of my family fought... it was screaming matches. If you wanted to be heard in a fight, you shouted. It’s weird now, because you’ll read things about if someone’s raising their voice, they:

- poor coping skills

- lack of control

- feel threatened

- aggressive tendencies

It’s hard trying to unlearn that personally. It’s difficult because I have a mean voice that I never wanted to have. I don’t want to yell anymore either.

First thing friend, you need coping skills. You need some way to allow yourself to feel the emotions and release them. You’re holding on to those feelings, trying to hide them, trying for them to not exist and by doing so, they grow bigger almost. They demand to be heard. What kind of coping skills could work for you? Maybe you could read up on that. I’d recommend: talking about your feelings with a therapist, writing them out in a journal or even writing a story that allows the feelings to be released (if you feel to ashamed or something to write about yourself), draw out things that depict your your feelings (sadness, anger you could draw the angry birds or something), watch a TV show or movie that allows you feel the emotion (maybe watch the Titanic or something and if someone sees you cry, it’ll be okay because that movie is most def tear-worthy), exercise, meditation is good because it helps you relax your body (download the app “Calm” or something different and try a free guided self meditation).

When we are mean to ourselves, it is very easy to be mean to other people. When we’re running on empty, our needs aren’t being met. When our needs aren’t being met, we are cranky and impatient and sad. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

Right now, your emotional needs aren’t being met. Whether you need support or whatnot, you might not be getting it. So, you’re alone with your feelings hiding your problems trying to handle them yourself because others can’t/won’t/aren’t trustworthy.

At least... that’s how it was for me. We’re different people. I hope you find a way to facilitate your emotions.

It might be helpful to take a minute and could to a certain number and breathe. There are breathing things online to follow but you can say to yourself (breathe in the roses, blow out the candle) or whatever works 😂

It might to say, “I have a lot of emotions right now and I need a moment to think of what I want to say.” Give yourself permission to think.

Maybe you could say, “please don’t assume I’m going to have an attitude. I want to choose how respond. I’m trying to control it.”

I don’t know. It’s difficult.

Sometimes, they say to me, “Oh you’re in a bad mood.” And nothing makes me feel so sour so instantly in my life!!! It doesn’t matter if I was breathing sunshine. You bet I’m in a bad mood now! 😆😅

But, I have gotten better about that. The thing about that situation I mentioned is: it’s reactive. Did you notice? I was living my life and then I reacting to what they said and I allowed it to impact my mood and my day.

If you can learn how to be “proactive”, then that would be awesome. Try to set yourself up for success. Make a game plan before you talk to people who set you off easily - writing down what you can say or reminders for yourself is a good thing!

I know right now your emotions are a powerful consuming force. They are a lot. Fight for you being okay. You don’t want other people to ruin your day like you have no control.

Learn how to be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. Those mistakes aren’t who we are. They are opportunities for change. You might yell again. What you’re going to do is try different things to help yourself stay calm or keep a lower voice. It will take time.

For me, therapy, medication, moving out, and time to heal all helped. It’s a journey each of us take with these mental health wellness goals. I wish you the best.

Keep asking questions and searching for answers. You will continue to grow and learn. You’ve got this.

💕💕💕

[Kvia in reply to PastelPink20]

Wow, that had alot of good stuff!

[kyla187228 in reply to PastelPink20]

Thank you this really helps

Alot

[PastelPink20 in reply to kyla187228]

Thanks and you’re welcome! We want to support each other here. So, keep us updated! We want to hear from you as you try things out and work on taking care of you - I mean I’m doing the same thing. 😊