One year ago today, I was sleeping in my own bed for the first time in four months. I had been in a residential treatment facility and it was probably one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I'm not going to go too far into detail because residential has really helped me before but this facility was just really not a good experience for me and I don't want to scare anyone away from going because it really is a positive thing to do. Anyway, I was getting home and thinking of how I could potentially harm myself without getting caught again and it really wasn't a good time for me.
Two years ago today was the scariest day of my life. My parents were going through a horrific divorces that they blamed on me. March 4, 2018 was the day I overdosed. When the pills really hit me and I started getting sick, I felt really guilty because although I didn't want to live, I knew there were people who loved me. I was the one to call 911 and the next three days of recovery were horrible.
I'm really trying to hold it together right now but I am feeling all of the emotions I felt in these past years and I just don't know how to deal with any of it. I'm also trying to stay positive by thinking of how I've improved but there isn't that much when I really think about it. I still think about death a lot although I don't want to die anymore, I'm still self harming but only occasionally because I'm trying to quit, and I'm even more depressed than I've ever been in my life. I just find it hard to deal with it all on days like this.
Hi again. ***TRIGGER WARNING***
Abuse/Trauma and Forgiveness **Trigger Warning**
