I wish I could help my friend...*TRIGGER WARNING*

[SilentSinger55]

So, my best freind, Chris, has been really struggling lately. She 'jokes' about things like wanting to die or how much she hates herself, or she says them when she thinks nobody's listening, she has really bad panic attacks that cause her to pass out, and she has slowly started self harming again. My other three friends, Jackie, Emma, Haley, and I are insanely worried about her. She refuses to talk to anyone and today, we could have lost her.

Haley wasn't here today but the other four of us were. We were sitting at our usual lunch table just having a normal conversationwhen Chris suddenly started talking about how she felt bad about something she did the other day which we had already said she had no reason to apologize for and she just seemed really down. She then gets up and said she needed to use the bathroom and we told her she had four minutes.(We made a four minute bathroom rule in our group because everyone's panic attacks.) She said okay, laughed, and left. After roughly four minutes, we realized Chris wasn't back yet and I had this gut feeling that I needed to go. We threw away our food and practically ran to the bathroom because, I don't know how, but we all knew something was wrong.

When we got into the bathroom, it was completely silent. We kept calling her name and she wouldn't answer. Jackie looked through the crack in the stall she normally goes into and immediately stepped back with the most terrified look on her face. She told me and Emma that Chris was passed out on the ground with a fist full of pills, a blade on the ground, and fresh cuts on her arm. I thought she was joking but Emma looked and said the same thing. They both stood there frozen. I looked through the crack and saw what they described and sprang into action. I forced Jackie to crawl under the door and unlock it for us. We all went in but the other two were still in shock but I yelled at them to close the stall door. I started grabbing the pills out of Chris' unconscious hand and she sprang awake. I grabbed the blade off the ground and put them all in a baggie Emma was holding. That's when the situation really hit me. I say next to Chris who had her head between her knees, put my arms around her, and started crying. I just started thinking of the amazing person I could've lost has we not been there.

Some students had seen part of what happened and told the teachers. All the teachers know is that Chris passed out from anxiety. We were all pretty shaken up and hung out in the office for a while before going to our next class. Chris explained that she only thought about doing it for a minute. She only has the pills in the first place because they were her anxiety medication and the thought crossed her mind when she was taking her meds this morning. She was going to put them back after she cleaned her cuts but then her anxiety took over and she passed out. I don't believe her. She promised that she'll talk to someone but I'm still terrified for her safety. I want to help her but I don't know how to. I love her so much and I don't know what I would do if I didn't see her smiling face walking down the halls at school. It kills me to think of life without her and I hope she understands that.

I'm sorry if this post was triggering I just don't have anyone to talk to about this...

[Konagirl01]

I’m so sorry your friend is suffering so much. There are a lot of outlets for Chris if she is thinking of suicide...she isn’t alone and she certainly isn’t worthless.

So many people suffer in silence. It’s sometimes hard to know what to say or how to be there for someone who is struggling so much but you seem like a really great and loving friend. This situation seems serious to me from what you are saying.

I hope Chris gets the help she needs and deserves. Everyday we live there is potential...a potential for good and a potential for life to get better, even when it feels hopeless there is always someone who cares and will do anything to help.

[sunandbutterfly]

I am so glad that Chris has such good friends as all of you. Does your school have counselors/mental health office? I would recommend that you speak with the counselor about what happened. They may be able to advise you on how to proceed, and may also be able to help Chris with a safety plan so her bright face can still be seen at school.

Maybe some of these resources would be helpful for you or Chris as you support her?

list.ly/list/1SAk-when-your...

[SilentSinger55 in reply to sunandbutterfly]

Thank you so much! I will definitely keep the suggestions from the website in mind. As for the school counselor, they would be obligated to tell Chris's mom and her mom knows she's self harmed in the past but thinks it's only anxiety. Her dad is abusive and she is scared that if he finds out she's depressed, he will do something. Her mom had also kicked her out before with no car, no clothes, and no place to go. She most likely wouldn't hesitate to do it again. The last time her parents caught her cutting they told her she was attention seeking and honestly didn't give a crap. She is just scared of their reactions of they find out she relapsed.

[sunandbutterfly in reply to SilentSinger55]

That is definitely a tough spot to be in...it is still really important that you find a trusted adult to talk to about this. Is the school counselor someone that she or you can talk to about the abuse at home? Or the past history with mom?I know it may be a little easier to talk to someone a little more removed from the situation. Would that be helpful for you?

If so,here are some places that you can reach out to for help. There is a number for a free initial consultation with a counselor. list.ly/list/1EXe-when-you-....

A few of these may be helpful as well. list.ly/list/1CE4-looking-u.... Praying for you and your friends.