I'm just sad tonight. Hurt myself and can't stop. So tired of mean people and their BS. Why are people so mean?

[SadinVA]

help me...

[CanuckAnon]

I’m listening and promise not to be mean. I understand how it can feel when people are mean, hurtful, impatient or ignorant unknowingly.

Vent away.... I’m doing laundry and washing floors but am not far away.😊

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

People have always misinterpreted me. I'm so misunderstood and feel unloveable. From my parents to teachers to "friends". Nobody gives a shit. And as a result I've been very successful in driving people away. People don't want to "see me" bc I'm big and give off a strong personality. I hate myself. I'm all alone.

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

Have you spoken to your doctor about this? Could you be misunderstanding people’s words or actions? I have done this and gotten upset over a misunderstanding?

We can be our own worst enemy at times when we withdraw, isolate ourselves. I have done this especially when I was feeling very low, sorry for myself and like a victim of my symptoms.

You are not alone. Don’t give up - fight!

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

been fighting for too many years. I'm tired.

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

cant talk to a Dr. No insurance. paying for insurance for my kids but cant afford it for me. hence, turning to online support.

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

What about govt paid health benefits? Medicare I believe it’s called? What about a free clinic to see a doctor? Call a distress line to see what help is available due to financial constraints? Are u in Virginia? Can you call state for help via social services?

I totally get not being able to afford help and online being better for access. I am glad you took this step at least!

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

cant stop crying...

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

Is there anything that you can do to change your frame of mind? Hot bath, music, walking outside, grilled cheese sandwich with bacon or dancing to music nobody but you can hear?

I know it’s hard at times. I have cried for long periods too... let it out if it feels better. Just remember to replenish yourself with water too... try putting a warm facecloth over your eyes too. Sometimes for me this helps calm me down, feels comforting and helps me get ahold of my emotions... yoga helps too at least for me.

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

just feel helpless. really wish i could fall asleep and just never wake up. isolated.

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

THink of your kids! It’s not the answer for them nor a solution for you. You have to fight your way thru this... for your kids! Would you allow any of them to think like this or would you want them to fight this feeling?

Do not give up... it may seem hopeless but you are not...you looked for help... big 1st step! Good on you! Keep fighting... find a special something to distract your brain from all the stuff rattling around making yourself feel bad about yourself. Little things sometimes have the most impact! Don’t give up!!!

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

bc of my divorce, my kids haven't talked to me in over 2 years. Nobody would miss me, honestly.

[Tellmeaboutit in reply to SadinVA]

i went through a really rough divorce too. 3 or 5 years back now. kids’ mother manipulated them something awful to get whatever shewanted, caused a lot of pain all around. meanwhile i made a point not to say anything bad about her to them. they got innundated with only one side of the story and turned away. they had some hurtful words for me, too.

but i forgave them. i knew they were hurting, mis-informed, withdrawling as defense.

but its gotten better. they slowly realize what has been happening, andstart to appreciate their father again. kids do need fathers, at any age. even imperfect fathers. they will come to you eventually, and they will be thankful that you are still there for them.

to get care without insurance go to the emergency room, even if its not an emergency. tell them what they want to hear (no where else to turn, for example). that gets you into the system and they will help you. theyhave social workers who will help you through the financial end of it as well.

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

have cried almost every day for 2 years or more. just plain tired.

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

I understand tired, fed up and sick of feeling like crap. You are the only one who can change your mindset... you are the only one who can fight back against the darkness. You need to think of your kids... they need their mom. Fight the negative... pull yourself out of the pit you have put yourself in! Fight back - don’t give up! You can do this!

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

I'm their father and they don't need me. My oldest even called on my birthday last year to tell me what a POS i am and that they dont need me.

[Hidden in reply to SadinVA]

Please keep telling us how you are here. Thank you for reaching out here. It really puts things in reality for me, to see someone else suffering emotionally like this. Take care of yourself. You are important, and you are not alone.

[SadinVA in reply to Hidden]

Thank you...unfortunately, I'm NOT important and I AM alone...always will be. Can't wait for the end honestly.

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

Could your son be reacting to emotional stuff? Could your sadness have an effect on him? I know my withdrawal from life, isolation and emotionally shut down had consequences on those around me. I’m now working hard to regain trust, rebuild the relationship all while making myself stronger and fighting off the negative spinning thoughts.

Have you reached out to your kids to just spend time? Not vent all your worries and such to them? Vent here not to kids .

We are here and I am 100% certain you will not be judged, called names etc here...

Those that we live the most can be most cruel when they are hurting or unable to cope with emotions, stress etc.

Don’t give up!

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

All 3 of my kids have told me that they don't want me in their lives so I'm respecting that. I just want to disappear. If I died today, no one would even notice except my landlord.

[Tellmeaboutit in reply to SadinVA]

he didnt mean it.

when a toddler says “i hate you” to a parent, the parent remains calm an says something like “i know you dont mean that, your just upset about .... whatever”

when a teenager tells his father hes a pos and he doesnt need you, you should remain calm and realize that yur son is still a child, and cannot possibly understand everything that has happened. (if he really didnt care, he wouldnt have called at all.) just give him some space and gently try to re-connect every few months or so. makesure he knowsthat youre always willing to bepart of his life whenever hes ready for that again. isnt that what youd want your father to do if you were in that situation?

he may think he doesnt need you , but we all know that he really does, and his younger siblings as well. they will figure it out in time

[SadinVA in reply to Tellmeaboutit]

I never knew my father. They don't need me. They're all doing just fine without me.

[4woody in reply to SadinVA]

i have one son who won’t speak to me and one son who speaks to me to tell what a failure i was as a parent. fun times with grown children... not. my son saying i failed doesn’t make it true. i hoped it would be different but here it is and it hurts. i love all my kids. that’s all that is left for me to do. you are not alone.

[SadinVA in reply to 4woody]

thank you. feels awfully lonely though.

[4woody in reply to SadinVA]

It does feel very lonely. And very sad. I’m not afraid to hope that some day they could decide I’m worth knowing. This may sound strange, but it has helped me to intentionally think about how much I love them and remember how relationships used to be. It feels like the right thing to do. Mark Twain said, “Your never wrong to do the right thing.”. It is okay to feel sad and lonely. And then feel happy because there are things in life that can still make you happy.

[SadinVA in reply to 4woody]

You're right. the first step is always the hardest.

[4woody in reply to SadinVA]

indeed it is... and always worth taking.

[4woody]

maybe people are so mean because they too are in so much pain. I’m sorry you are in pain. maybe if you could be kind to yourself you would feel better. i try to be kind to myself. if you were here i would be kind to you too.

[SadinVA in reply to 4woody]

As every supposedly meaningful person in my life has demonstrated, I'm not worth being kind to. never have been. never will be.

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

Try doing 1 nice thing for yourself today. Make a tasty sandwich or something. Try to think of something you are grateful for like gee I’m grateful for the sun shine or something positive. Unfortunately a hard lesson I learned was you are what you think you are. In order to feel better you need to think better. Have a shower, put on clean clothes, get outside even just to sit in open air for 5 mins.... think that you are lucky not to be living in San Francisco in a tent on the sidewalk... you have a place to live. If you think you are the worst off possible there is always people who are worse off. Count the blessings you have like a roof over your head, clothes to wear, food to eat and live in a country not being bombed daily. Small things first.... try and see this please!

[SadinVA in reply to CanuckAnon]

I will. Thanks for the support. I really do appreciate it.

[CanuckAnon in reply to SadinVA]

You are most welcome! 😊

[Hidden]

The world is full of bullies, the best advise I can give you (which is something I do for I live in a shithole of a nation full of rude pricks) is, try not to take anyone so seriously, try not to care about others that much. Don't take yourself too seriously either, the more we think, the more miserable we tend to become.

Meanness/rudeness/general assoholic behaviour is a reflection of insecurity, inferiority complex and/or character flaw of those possessing the aforementioned traits, they do not define YOUR worth. As a general rule, I cut people (whenever I can) those who ill treat me.

Most of us here are non confrontational and meek, I get it. But we shouldn't allow anyone to mistreat us.

[SadinVA in reply to Hidden]

I'm very non-confrontational and try to be chill as much as I can. My fuse is very long until it's not then I blow up pretty quickly. Thats when other people are shocked that I get so pissed off and appear angry. But it's after I've put up with their shit for days/weeks.

[Hidden]

Assoholic? Great word.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

🤣 I'm creative as hell.

[SadinVA in reply to Hidden]

Yes! You are! haha

thanks for the laugh!!!