Alone in a Family

[BellaDawn]

I'm a 49 year old woman been married almost 29 year and for the past 14 years I havent been feeling like I'm wantedor needed by my husband it started after I had to get a perment cathiter and has went down from there the kids are gone now I stay home all day by myself and 3 fur babies I'm visually impaired so I depend on others to take me places but I'm never out of the house except for doctors or to go eat on the weekends just the 2 of us and ba k home to my own bed thatis were most of my time is spent or setting alone in the sunroom we never talk and if we do its about the kids never get hugs or akiss not even on the cheek I don't know how to feel this isnt all of mystore but a short bit

[LadyZen]

My marriage started crumbling around the 17 year mark and I went to see a marriage counselor on my own because he wouldn't go. Best decision ever. As I started to work with the counselor on my terrible marriage by just working on myself, I made all these terrible discoveries about him. Thank goodness I had her along the way.

[CanuckAnon]

I have been where you are. Could it be that your husband is overwhelmed with medical stuff? He might be feeling less about himself as he can’t fix you.

Have you tried to plan a day for just the 2 of you to break the cycle you are in? Listen to music or go for a walk and have a picnic in a park? Something to rekindle the spark?

It’s hard to cope with but it was probably just as hard on him. Have you spoken to him about it? Seen a counsellor? I get the isolated feeling, left behind feeling and being carted off only to doctors. It does a number on you absolutely and your self esteem as you begin to identify as your symptoms and not a person with needs beyond doctor visits. I’m going thru same thing currently - just leaving the pit I put myself in.

I try and accomplish at least 1 thing /day to feel a sense of accomplishment even if it’s making a cup of tea/coffee, brushing my hair, getting dressed or having a bath. You would be amazed how just 1 thing changes your frame of mind. If he sees you more confident he perhaps may be more open to sharing more with you. It’s worth a shot at least eh?

[Hidden]

Hi belladawn,

It sounds really hard to be in that situation. I dont have a partner but hug or kiss my best friend and closest family every time I see them. I need to do this! The cat also gets in on the action.

I think ladyzen's advice is pretty good. Is there someone you can see just so you don't go crazy.

[Imthedoctor]

I can empathise...been married 26 years, been really unwell for the last 7 months and my other half has decided to become invisible. The first few weeks he was supporting and ok, then when I was still in the same condition he found it unacceptable for me to be bedridden for so long.... stopped talking completely at one point, I never get a hello or how are you, he behaves like I don't exist, thankfully my children are still at home and have helped me throughout all this.

I'm having a procedure for my medical issue in a few weeks and once I get my strength back I'm leaving him. If someone isn't there for you at you're worst there's no point having them around. I've looked after him through all kinds and feel really disappointed that he's not been there for me.

For you I would suggest you straight up ask him why he has distanced himself, a lot of men actually do this and sometimes talking things through will break the barrier.

I know for myself that I cannot live with someone who cares so little for me.

Good luck and good health.