Alone

[Jan5578]

I am alone. I feel alone, talk alone, think alone, sleep alone, hurt alone.

[Interstellar1994]

I’m feeling the same way. I just keep reminding myself that it won’t be this way permanently I hope

[Jan5578 in reply to Interstellar1994]

I’m getting older and losing hope about it getting any better. I hope you are young.

[Interstellar1994 in reply to Jan5578]

I’m not sure if you’ve heard the Sylvia Plath quote “I am. I am. I am.” But it helps me. Just a reminder that I’m still here. And if I’m still here there is still time for good to happen.

[Jan5578 in reply to Interstellar1994]

I’m getting older and losing hope about it getting any better. I hope you are young.

[Jan5578 in reply to Jan5578]

I have been married twice. The first time 9 years. This time 12. A lot of my depression and anxiety stem from my “marriage”. Because it’s not really a marriage. Everything is all my fault etc.

My husband could care less and I’ve had no human connection like that for 2 plus years. I feel like I’d be better off in an assisted living home.

[Interstellar1994 in reply to Jan5578]

Our situations are different, but I can relate some. I’ve been seeing someone for a year now, and I love him, but he is absent a lot of the time. I need so much more connection but I love him too much to leave. Are there any in person support groups in your area? Maybe look into that. I’m planning to try one out this week if I don’t back out to help me feel less alone

[Jan5578 in reply to Interstellar1994]

I will have to look into groups in my area. Thank you for your replies.

[Jan5578 in reply to Interstellar1994]

My husband expects me to be perfect. I am an outspoken and strong willed person. I can’t be perfect. As much as I wish. When I mess up and make him mad, I get punished by being told how awful I am and then rejected and ignored.

[Interstellar1994 in reply to Jan5578]

It’s a terrible feeling. Feeling like you’re trying so hard to the right things for the person you love, but still doing something “wrong.” Then being afraid all the time that you may have done it again, when you mean so well. Or you’re just trying to not live on eggshells.

[Jan5578 in reply to Interstellar1994]

Exactly. And I don’t know what to do. There are kids involved. My gut tells me that it’s only going to get worse and I need to get out. I however, don’t know how to do it. Right now, I have very little strength.

[Jan5578 in reply to Interstellar1994]

Also, makes me think how many of us struggling with this crap is because of relationships? Especially toxic ones.

[WVArcher in reply to Jan5578]

That’s a horrible feeling. No one is perfect. I’m sorry you are going through this. Relationships are hard even if they aren’t feeling one sided.

I’ve had a woman play that game on me. A 15 year marriage ended in divorce because she found a guy online who fell for the act. I was wrong for attempting home repairs myself before hiring help due to lack of finances. She had a spending habit that never included bills or our home.

[Jan5578 in reply to Interstellar1994]

I wake up every day in fear of what I have done wrong.

[Interstellar1994 in reply to Jan5578]

I’ve been in three relationships, all painful in their own way. Each one I’ve lost a little more hope that there’s such thing as a relationship that isn’t painful or toxic. But I know it does exist. I have friends and family members who have found it. I don’t have any children, but I can imagine that it makes it that much more difficult. I truly hope you are able to make the decision you feel is right you, and that it turns out well.

[All_alone]

Hi Jan and welcome. I read this post and your previous post. None of us are perfect but it is also not all of your fault. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist and taking medication. Your story sounds a little like mine. I'm sorry your having to go thru this and I hope you find support on this site. I'm here if you need to talk.

[Hidden]

Boy I truly feel for you...feel free to message me any time, I'm here for you...my hubby is a trucker so I spend all week alone....unfair. At 61 this is not what I pictured....someone has a sense of humor!

May you find peace...

Sparkles and dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy & hugs Jan5578!