How much pain and hate can be in one family.

[Misspell]

How life can be so hard. The people that should protect, support and love you, cause the most pain that completely destroys you. I had three son's. My oldest that was so close to me suffered with bipolar. I found him hanging, and I see and feel this everyday. I cut him down and tried to save him when he was already gone. I miss him so much, he called me everyday, and when able he was there to help me battle through cancer. I lived only to find him gone. My middle son lived with his father after he turned thirteen. He needed help and took advantage of my mother while she died from cancer. My husband and I have spent so much and suffered to help my mother. We took care of her until the day she died. My son never paid anything and has hurt me more than anyone in my life. He has done everything to destroy us, because he wants to live for free. I can't believe the hateful things he has done and said to me, he even said horrible things on facebook. My mother left me the house, and the decisions I have to make are killing me. We offered to help them get their own place, and he only hurt me more. He said I will never see my grandchildren, it was my fault his brother hung himself, and many other unbearable things, and it's so very hard. The loss is so great, and I struggle to get through each day. My youngest son has been by my side through this crazy mess my mother left for me. He faught through his anxiety, and graduated from college with honors. He is very successful and strong, and will not let it stop him. I'm so proud, and I wish my middle son would find strength and happiness. I hope one day he will take responsibility for his family, and not hurt others to get what he wants. Thank you for letting me vent. The neverending pain has been to much.

[BlackLaborador]

Hi Misspell,

I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Do you think that your son, who had hurt you so much, is hurting someone as a coping mechanism for his brother's death?

I was hurt in my family growing up, unfortunately through my mother's eyes, she probably thinks that I am the one who hurts her the most. I left home and never went back. To this day, it was never satisfactory, but left more pain in me and my life now more than ever. No one deserves pain regardless, but I do think, today, my mom have left pain in me to a point where I wanted to leave, probably is because she had suffered pain before and somehow translated it onto me. No one deserved it but I cross my finger that one day, one of us will heal.

[Misspell in reply to BlackLaborador]

I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through. The pain family causes on one another is unbearable. He did the samething to his brother before he died. Hateful text messages and posts on Facebook. He moved out, so he was responsible for paying his own bills. He hurt his brother so much before he died. He accused his brother of molesting him as he yelled in my face with hate in his eyes. My husband and I have moved three times in the last four months. We broke two leases lost everything, spent over $13,000. We took care of my mother until she die, and had to move out the day after, due to fear from my son. They lived upstairs for free while my mother died in the basement apartment. They only came down three times to visit, and two of the times I got them. My mother paid everything for them, even his car insurance. His younger brother paid his cell phone bill for four years until he yelled in his face. I'm not even welcome in the house my mother left for me, and I fear for my life to go there. I had to hire a lawyer to get them to move and we're still willing to pay for a place for them. His girlfriend is 33 years old and has never had a driver's license. My son is 30 years old and has never paid for a place of his own. The thing that really breaks my heart is my granddaughter and grandson that's on the way. They can't take care of themselves and I don't know how they will be able to take care of them. He is my son and I will always love him, but I will not be bullied, held hostage or blackmailed to see my grandchildren so he can be irresponsible and not take care of his family. Sorry for venting.

[BlackLaborador in reply to Misspell]

Hi Misspell, thank you for the response. Its hard to open up with details on forums. Your situation is very difficult, honestly, I think, people tend to fight back more when they are not open for support. The more help you are offering, the more they might take it for granted. This is a tricky situation and I am really don't have any idea of what to say. If you help, then won't understand or appreciate the help, if you don't, they will blame you even more. For me, through my experience is that is, hard situation help me to push to to a level of enlightenment or creativity of survival. Perhaps letting go can help them to be more independent? But regardless of what approach, I wish you the best and don't give up!

[Misspell in reply to BlackLaborador]

Thank you!