Short Story: The Long and Lonely Nights

[cpaige15]

Here we go again. Another long night of tossing and turning. I can’t sleep. The soft glow of the fairy lights on my headboard calms me as I stare at them. My comforter is big, fluffy, and warm. My legs wrapped between a pillow and I feel the cool breeze of the fan on my skin. My body is calm and at peace. If only my mind worked the same way.

The darkness of my room reminds me of the darkness that dwells within my mind. Only, I’m alone in my room, but I’m not alone in my mind. My mind is haunted with fears, anxiety, depression, suicide, loss, abandonment, and hopelessness. They are uninvited guest that have overstayed their welcome for far too long. They live here now, and I can’t evict them. So I’ve learned to live with them. Some days are better than others. Some nights I actually do get sleep with the help of melatonin. But some nights like tonight depression gets lonely and keeps me up with her talking all night long. I wish she’d shut up. She’s not the company I want on the empty side of my bed. But she’s all I have now. I don’t try to ignore her anymore, or make her go away. I’m content with the emptiness she gives me. I’m glad I feel numb now rather than pain. I start to feel her drift off into sleep. Goodnight depression, please don’t keep me in bed too long tomorrow.

-CPM-

[Hidden]

Wow! I wish I could have ever thought as eloquently and as accepting as this about nights spent trying to shut my ‘and another thing’ mind off. I just got angry and made it worse. Way to go cpaige15.