I ain’t sure what’s the right thing

[DepressedMom2]

I have been with this guy for alittle over 6 years. On and off from 2013-2015 and then stuck with each other since then. We have 2 kids together and we have been thru a lot. I’ve stayed with him when he had a dollar. He now has a good job in the oil field. His gone for 2 wks and here for 1 week. He over the last 2 years has made me doubt him with my sister, 2 of my sister in laws and now a good friend of mine. This friend of mine once came up the topic of having a intimate night but I wasn’t so serious about it. And when I realized my boyfriend really wanted it to happen and him and her would joke around a lot, I felt the disrespect especially because she don’t want her boyfriend knowing anything of what her me and my boyfriend have talked about. Never really in person it was more thru me which I regret now. I can’t hang out with them together because I just make ideas up, knowing they both have that idea in mind now. I ain’t open to being in a open sexual relationship with anybody else but he says it’s something he would like to try. When he is home from work I can’t depend on him to help me around the house or with the kids much. When he comes home he wants to get out. Have the company of other people. I told him I don’t feel comfortable with us all hanging out anymore and that I’d like if he could respect that he agreed and just last night he made plans with my friends boyfriend to hang out and drink. He told me my friend wasn’t outside but my daughter and my friend herself mentioned she was outside. I didn’t not go because my baby was asleep for the night. I made it seem to him at 1st that I was going but I really wasn’t I just wanted to see if he would go even after I told him straight up his not keeping his word. He took my daughter and still went over from 8-1am. Knowing he likes to be alittle to friendly with other females and will talk to me like shit, that’s what I don’t like. He ain’t romantic or thoughtful or acknowledges what I’ve done. He don’t understand my mental struggles. And he lies a lot to other people but swears he don’t lie to me, obviously I’ve seen otherwise. I try not to make a big deal because he always has excuses. I just told him last night I’m done trying. But I still track his phone and I honestly don’t know what to do. Was this the best decision? I depend on him financially, I’ll have to find a job now which I don’t mind but I don’t know how to stop thinking over everything. How do I convince myself it’s for the best? Or that I should go back with him, and try again for the 10th time. In the past I wasn’t all that love able with him. This stupid anxiety and depression has taken a lot from me and now that I’m trying to be better he ain’t that love able with me and I get it because I caused it. But I didn’t lie to him about things, or delete messages before as he has done to me then and now. I’m trying to consider my kids but at the same time I still love him.

[Agora1]

Hi DepressedMom2, this seems like an awful lot to deal with when you have anxiety

and depression... or is this what's causing your anxiety/depression? Don't get "love"

mixed with "financial security". It doesn't seem like you are in a stable emotional

relationship which is causing you all kinds of stress. I think what is going on with your

partner is something that is not going to end well. You say you have given him 10 chances,

where do you draw the line? As a mother, you must think about yourself and the children.

You have caused nothing. We can't control how another person acts but you can control

what decisions you make for your children. Sounds like your partner hasn't settled down

and wants to live the life of a playboy. Really think this over before settling for less. xx

[Hidden]

Ok, first and foremost do not allow this man to make you feel any less than you already feel. I know that might sound bossy, but honey know you're worth! I'm not sure his side of the story, and I'm going to go off what you have said and let me tell you that if he wants to have an open relationship sexually with other people, whether you want to or not, that would be a HUGE red flag right there. And that fact that he knows it bothers you to be around this called "friend" of yours. Screw that you need better friends. One you can trust and know they aren't going to try anything stupid. And you need a man that is respectful of the boundaries you have. There is help available to get you and those babies to a place that is not having to sacrifice your own dignity and stay with someone who is not able to be even slightly responsible as a parent or partner. I know you said you love him, but does he love you the same way back? To be able to change some of his choices to make the family you guys created more of a priority over his partying it up and having fun? Either way I wanted to let you know that you have choices and that you can access social service programs if you decide to leave, like ebt so you and the kids can eat, and Medicaid for healthcare and they even have temporary assistance for needy families so that you have some cash for other expenses. And if you apply for section 8 it does take awhile to get but you can get that to help with finding a place and it pays a huge part of your rent if not all. There are ways to get you to a point where you dont have to stay if finances are a big issue. And you never know there might be someone out there waiting to find someone like you to love and that will respect you and the boundaries you have! Someone that won't having you feeling like you cant trust them alone with one one of your friends. I hope this works out for you one way or another, and I hope that i didn't come off as rude, or bossy but i hate seeing women feel this way! I've been there! And i forgot. Child support! Men who dont want to have to be responsible hate those 2 words when put together! God bless!