*TRIGGER WARNING*

[Jsteve36]

youtu.be/-w_29KPIiT0(Not working as expected?)

This kind of sums up my feelings for the last two months , lots of truth to my life in this song

[Morningstar50]

Hi Jsteve Im new here. Just sending you my support. I havent read all the posts but wonder if you have a chance to get outside in the sunshine, go for a little walk and drink in the beauty of nature. I notice when I go outside my mood lifts immediately. I know this sounds crazy but my diet isnt very good but when I eat vegetables the next day Im much much more emotionally stable. Who knew broccoli could help with mood? Best wishes to you!

[Morningstar50]

Hi Jsteve36, me again Morningstar36. Have you checked in with your doctor? Im not sure if youre taking medication but there are treatments that can help you. Im not a doctor but I work in clinical research so I have knowledge. If your condition is hard to manage perhaps you could ask for a referral to psychiatry at a large teaching hospital where they will have the most options to help you. And I want you to assured you are not useless. You are a husband and father my dear man. God Bless!

[Mumma_h]

Hey Jsteve36, hearing your pain !! Needed to reach out to you . This awful thing called depression is treatable . Depression can just zap the life out of us leaving us with little hope . I was so bad that I thought I’d never be the same , but I’m soooo much better and I’m generally happy. I have bad days still but they’re usually due to outside influences, like a hurtful comment from someone, or well … many things . But it’s temporary. You are never alone in this struggle, please keep hope . My prayer is that you feel hope, and you start seeing the light at the end of tunnel. Are you on antidepressants? I wouldn’t be without mine ! I won’t deny myself of proper treatment, no way , and I hope your doing the same. Just know you won’t always feel this way . If you feel you can’t take much more please call the suicide prevention line . It can help soooo much to just have someone there to get you through . Keep fighting the good fight, you are worth it !!! You are important and how you’re feeling is important. !!

[Mumma_h]

I am praying for a miracle for you 🙏, I believe my healing was miraculous. I was so low , so far down the s__t hole that I thought it wasn’t possible. Trust me , it is !!!! Depression is a heart and soul problem but it’s also a brain problem . Once your brain has been depressed for a long time it just becomes automatic to be depressed. The things that once made you happy just do t anymore, it’s not your fault !!! But as you heal in your heart , your brain will too,it takes a little while but it will!!! It’s called plasticity of the brain , I find it fascinating!! Please keep hope , the beginning of healing starts with hope !!!!! NO MATTER how long it’s been or how dark , healing can happen for you too !!! Are you reaching out enough to your family? Let them love you , and comfort you !!! It’s ok to cry , it can be a huge relief just to cry and be held , can you talk to your mother? , she loves you and will comfort you, mother’s want to do this . Please get on medication or talk to dr about increasing dose . Stay with us dear Jsteve , we’re here for you 🙏❤️

[Jsteve36 in reply to Mumma_h]

I have been crying every day for just over two months.I'm so stuck in this repetitive cycle

The future just seems so bleak.

Every day I wake up, apologizing to my wife with tears in my eyes, then she leaves for work and I go to my couch and cry all day, I was fine until mid November.

I had a massive panic attack and have majorly gone down hill since then and I just don't get it.

I'm so lost

[Mumma_h]

I need to take my son to dentist, but I’ll be checking in on you later ❤️

[Morningstar50]

Hi Jsteve36. Can you please call the doctor today? Tell them you need to be seen right away. No one needs to be afraid to get assistance for this. One quarter of the population has this problem! If that doesnt work then put on your N95 mask and go to the hospital. Please write back and tell us you are going to the doctor or hospital. When you see the psychiatrist you will be relieved. They are kind and really get it! Waiting for your reply because I care!

[Jsteve36 in reply to Morningstar50]

I would go to the doctor but there ha e been several that quit , I can't see my GP until March 29th.I would go to urgent care but the wait times to be seen are ridiculous, it can take up to 4 hours to be seen even with an empty lobby. A person with a major medical problem could die in the lobby waiting to be seen by urgent care.

[Morningstar50 in reply to Jsteve36]

Hi Jsteve36, so glad to hear back from you! Can you call the doctor and ask them to call you if they have a cancellation or no show? That happens often and they want to fill the gaps. Four hours does seem like long time to wait but consider that within 4 hours you could be back on the road to health instead of waiting for two months. You could bring something to read. Maybe your wife could go with you? Wishing you well!

[coolkitty1934]

well i cant watch video because it is blocked (school -_-) anyway try watching this it gives me chills everytime oh and make sure to watch the whole thing youtube.com/watch?v=LMyl_nm...(Not working as expected?)

[Hidden in reply to coolkitty1934]

This is a little too much melodrama.

[Mumma_h]

Hi again Jsteve36, I pray you are believing that the pain you are in will be just a distant memory someday. I hear your pain !! I pray you’re beginning to have hope , even just a little bit , that’s where it starts !! My heart goes out to you , I’ve been there too !! Please god bring this young man relief and healing soon 🙏😇💕

[Mumma_h]

Oh and so sorry I had to cut you off earlier, that was rude , my apologies, I was nervous about being late as he has special needs and it can be difficult. I too had a massive panic attack a while back but thankful I had a friend I could call who talked me through it over the phone , she helped me get to my medication ( over the phone ) . I didn’t realise I was breathing so hard I’d lost all feeling in my hands and feet , it was horrible!! I can sympathise with you

[Jsteve36 in reply to Mumma_h]

No problem, you didn't cut me off.Hope your son is well.

Yeah, panic attacks are no fun, when I get one my heart races, I turn pale, I get hot and start to sweat and shake then it's like I lose touch with all reality.

Thank you for talking with me , I really appreciate it. The world could use more people like you.

[Mumma_h in reply to Jsteve36]

Yeh panic attacks are just the worst !!! I was just very lucky I had my best friend to get me through it . If she wasn’t there for me I think I would’ve been very damaged and traumatised for a long time after that . You are in my prayers this morning

[Hidden]

Hi. Far be it from me to judge your taste in music, however, that music video you posted was freaking me out a little. I think you need to move on from that and try to watch and listen to something else. There is a pastor who comes on the radio sometimes where I live and he prays for people. Now honestly, I’m not calling your song garbage, far from it. I get it that that’s how you’re feeling right now, you’re going through hell and it sucks. Something this pastor likes to tell people, and this really resonated with me, is that if you’re watching garbage, and you’re listening to garbage, and you’re reading garbage, well, what’s going to come out of you???? You guessed it, garbage. Try to be somewhat careful and selective about what you expose yourself to. Because that gets imprinted on your brain. For instance, you will not catch me watching some of these sick and crazy horror movies. I know real life can be frightening enough sometimes, so I will just pass on seeing on seeing The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and any other really violent and stupid movie Hollywood wants to come out with to take my money away from me!!! I’m not even that into some of these true crime tv shows either, I know how some people can get ideas about how to poison someone because of something they watched or saw somewhere. I hope you understand what I’m trying to convey to you here. Guard your brain and your heart.

[Jsteve36 in reply to Hidden]

I should have clarified, I didn't mean the suicidal part, but more or less about the family issues n such.