I'm trying to be Happy again

[sadwaffle]

I don't want to be sad anymore, I'm lonely, constantly checking my phone every five seconds only to find my inbox empty. I deal with disappointing looks from my family every day. I can't stop myself from cutting..

[Remmao]

I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I am pretty new to depression but what I have learned is it is not as easy ad just being or choosing to be happy again. I always thought happiness was a choice and didn't have as much patience for down and depressed people and then when I got depressed to the point that I am sick of bring around myself and desperatly want to change I realized you can't just snap out of it, it can become life consuming and people do not understand if they haven't experienced it.

I hope you find supporting arms to hold you in the flesh, I am sending thought and prayers to you. Are you seeing someone about this? There is help for you. You are not alone.

[sadwaffle in reply to Remmao]

thank you that means a lot, and no I'm not seeing professionals about this, maybe because i feel embarrassed or fear that no one will believe me as I always show how happy i am around people, and I'm having a hard time opening up to them. But thank you for the support, I hope you'll get through from your depression as well. It may take a while to recover but I hope we'll get through it.

[Remmao in reply to sadwaffle]

I hope we do too. I hope you can get through it with the least amount of scars as possible. You don't have to be embarrassed or afraid and people will believe you. I hope you find happy very soon!

[Hidden]

Have you been this sad awhile ? Is it constant for a long time? You’re cutting because you’re not addressing your inside hurt. The outside is something you can see cutting however ... it’s actually causing more problems. You feel sadder because still the pains not addressed. Your family doesn’t know what to do going you’ll deal with it they’re frustrated if they say anything else believe frustrated. If you want something to change ... that’s your job to say I’m not dealing & get professional help. They will want to know why ... & that’s where you deal with it piece by piece.

[sadwaffle in reply to Hidden]

i haven't seen any professionals about this, but I considered it, you are right, I cut because I can't get my emotions out and feel like if i cut myself it somehow helps, that every time i see a fresh scar or open wound on my body it release the negativity i feel inside. I'm trying to heal, cope and stop myself from doing it and from being sad, but I can't maybe like you said, little by little I can get through it even if it may take a long time.

[Hidden in reply to sadwaffle]

Yes. That’s right. The cutting doesn’t help it deepens your unaddressed sadness and hurts your body. You’re already in pain you don’t deserve punishment for being sad. You deserve a way through it that takes you out of it. You might be surprised what comes out and what help can do little by little it’s a better path. It’s a helping path so stop cutting now and make a plan to meet someone and don’t feel bad for needing it my goodness there’s tons of people who go to counselling and tons of Councellor’s for a reason.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to sadwaffle]

Please stop trying to handle this without professional help. My mental illness makes me my own worst enemy. And if any of us could fix ourselves by ourselves, we would. I give you a lot of credit for joining this group. You’ve taken a positive step. I pray you continue to get more proactive in your recovery. God, I know it’s hard. But it works if I keep trying to advocate for myself ( even if I don’t feel I deserve it).

[hypercat54]

Hi I reckon that the 'disappointing looks' from your family are because they know you are in pain but feel they don't know how to support you. If you can get some help and be happier then those around you will be too. It's not selfish to concentrate on your own needs you know - it's essential.

You can't let your emotions out which you need to, so you cut instead. You are already suffering so are punishing yourself even more. You need stop the punishment and turn your mindset to healing yourself instead. Oh and don't foget the scars are permanent and you will have to live with them forever.

A cautionary tale. We had a member here who would cut her arms then one day while doing this the flesh separated and it all opened up and she had to go to the hospital. This behaviour isn't sustainable and you risk doing long term damage to yourself. Surely it is better to bite the bullet and seek professional help than carrying on suffering and making your loved ones sad? x

[sadwaffle in reply to hypercat54]

Joining here was a great decision I received a lot of support and advice, thank you, I can't help myself from cutting But i'll try to stop it, it's sad on what the other member had gone through I hope she's fine now, thank you for informing me that, I don't want to risk going through that but like I said I can't stop it, but I'm trying, really hard.

[hypercat54 in reply to sadwaffle]

I know this is very difficult and you are trying hard but if you can't do it on your own you might need professional help. x

[mvillarreal]

Please get help soon! I cannot know how much you are going through right now because I am not you, but it sounds like this is a very tough time. I really hope you can get some professional help so that you can manage this. Do you take antidepressants at all by chance? I have found sertraline very helpful in managing my depression.

[sadwaffle in reply to mvillarreal]

I don't take any antidepressants, it's like I've put the idea of cutting in my mind that it is sort of releasing my problems, like it's a relief, like it's my medicine. I've gotten so used to it that now I can't stop doing it every time I feel low, same with people drinking alcohol when they have problems, If it works for you I hope it will to me too, if I do take it.

[SmilesLots]

I feel lonely also. Is there anyone you can call and chat with on the phone? Can you make a lunch/dinner date with a friend? I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and lonely - it's an awful feeling.

[sadwaffle in reply to SmilesLots]

I don't have someone to talk to, and every time I invite some of my friends I always got turn down but I know they don't mean it like in a hard way but I guess they're always busy, i hate feeling like that, that's why I rarely ask anyone anymore

[SmilesLots]

How are you feeling today? Do you feel any better?