Need Advice

[Supergirlfan]

Hello, I just recently came across this site and thought this might help me. I'm 31 and have Social Anxiety. I have had it my whole life. I have never had a job because of this and I feel embarrassed about that. I have tried for years but have never gotten a single interview. I feel alone and have hardly anyone to talk to because I have hardly any friends and it's hard for me to talk about this. I can never find the right words and I panic. I have felt invisible throughout my life. The only person I truly trust is my long distance boyfriend. He has high functioning Autism and is the only one who understands me. This past month he made a female friend and is letting her move in with him. He doesn't even own the condo he lives in, his mom does and he hasn't told her. This girl would be in his mom's room sleeping in her bed. I can't help but have bad feelings about this, not because I don't trust him, I do. It's just I feel she is slowly taking all of his time and there will be none for me. He told me she wants her own business doing nails and she wants him to do the bookkeeping and stuff. Nobody is going to go to some random condo to get their nails done. This is tearing me apart. I feel like I am losing the only happiness I have in my life. I want to find a job and make enough money so I can finally go be with the man I love and he loves me too. I just don't know how to get started. I don't know what to do about his friend. I don't know who he would listen to. I think I'm done ranting now so if anyone can help me with any of this it would mean so much to me.

Thank you for reading

[littleorange8]

Girl, I was in the same situation. Honestly, no one would do this much for a “female friend”. It is good for girls to be less generous and more greedy about their partners. For example, my boyfriend was going to move in with a female friend and signed a lease and everything. After he met me, he terminated the lease because he realizes that it would be inappropriate to be living with another girl. I know many people say to trust the partner, but to be honest (and many girls in good relationships have told me this too), if a guy lives with a girl, they will spend lots of time together and inevitably become close. And has he even told her about being in a relationship with you? I feel like no respectful female friend would ask someone’s boyfriend to help her bookkeep, and no respectful boyfriend would say yes to it. No respectful boyfriend would live with another girl in the first place.

[Supergirlfan in reply to littleorange8]

Yes she knows about me and I have talked to her a little bit. She seems nice but hard to tell if she likes me or anything. He has always been overly nice. His brain is different due to his Autism. He thinks he is doing everything for all 3 of us. I am afraid to tell him how I really feel about the situation because I don't want it to blow up. I just wish I knew someone he'd listen to. I am trying to find a job I just have no idea where to start or what I can do.

[littleorange8 in reply to Supergirlfan]

I don’t know.. don’t you feel angry with him at all for prioritizing this girl as well? I feel like if I were in this relationship, I would give him an ultimatum and focus on MYSELF. I know it may be difficult because you have no friends to support you (I am almost the same way), but I think you’ll be happier long term and be able to find someone better. Someone who you don’t have to take care of or make excuses for just because of his autism. I truly don’t believe that being autistic is an excuse for his actions. You also shouldn’t let that stand in the way of your happiness. Like do you want to be walking on eggshells and putting his feelings before your own for the rest of your life? I hope not.