Constantly reading other peoples body language to see if they dislike me

[itgetsbetter5]

When I’m anxious I snap into this hypervigilance state to scan anything that may say that people dislike me in any way. This has been happening at work lately, I tend to constantly see if someone crosswd their legs when talking to me or not look at me when speaking in a group then I feel like there must be something wrong with me, that I look weird. Anyone else feel like this or do this?

[Doglover87]

I do something similar. I am really good at reading people. In the first 15 minutes of meeting someone I can tell if I am going to like them or they are going to be a huge pain in my ass. 95% of the time I'm spot on. So I totally get reading into things and people. However this doesn't mean this should affect our work. If we let people control our emotions we will never be happy. ( I am using we as a broad statement so I dont single out anyone or make an assumption about anyone)

I totally understand where you are coming from though! Sometimes we just got to take it as that person was having a bad day or going through some shit themselves. It could not be you that they are mad at or upset about.

[omelas in reply to Doglover87]

Do make sure that you are not falling into the trap of self-fulfilling prophecy

[Doglover87 in reply to omelas]

I had to look that one up.. yeah I do spiral sometimes and believe what other people think of me... I am working on it. Its one of the reasons why I have so much anexity and depression.

So thank you I will work on that .

Omelas, one question though if I get a bad vibe from someone how do I ignore that? I want people to like me however I get upset with people if they judge me. I feel like i am constantly under a microscope and it's annoying. It is a vicious cycle.

I do not trust most people because when I do I usually trust the wrong people and get hurt.

[omelas in reply to Doglover87]

That sounds very difficult and I imagine it affects many areas of your life. My recommendation is to give people the benefit of the doubt (even when it is difficult). If you assume they don’t like you it will be hard to see anything other than that.

[snow_queen]

yes, I am very observant and notice tons and tons of tiny details and changes in people, but I'm terrible at understanding what they mean (if they mean anything at all) so I often think people don't like me or that I've done something wrong when the change I'm noticing is completely unrelated to me. I'm trying to assume that I am not the problem unless someone explicitly says otherwise, maybe that would help you too?

[itgetsbetter5 in reply to snow_queen]

Thank you, I’m trying to stop mind guessing other people too but sometimes its harder to think whilst I’m in the situation. I hope with conscious practise it will eventually feel true, maybe the same way as they can’t read what were thinking then maybe its the same for them?

[snow_queen in reply to itgetsbetter5]

Yeah it sounds easy but in practice it’s hard...that’s life I guess

[Magicdreamer]

People are just a mirror of who you are.... The thoughts you r thinking and the emotions you are feeling are your own. We r taught to look outward but this is actually how you're feeling about yourself.... It's taken me a lot of self work to realise this. What we reject in others is a mirror of what we reject within ourselves it's hard to grasp at first but it sounds like insecurities from your inner child... Last childhood traumas. Have you been to see a therapist to help you with inner child work? It's the best thing you could do for yourself. Xx

[itgetsbetter5 in reply to Magicdreamer]

Thank you for your response. I’m currently on the waiting list to see a therapist but its taking awhile so I’m considering of going private. I’ve never had face to face therapy before, but hopefully I will soon. X