My heart gently weeps

[Purpley678]

I could complain that my life is bad. It isn't. I have wonderful parents and a wonderful family. I have great opportunities and support around me. But inside, I am SAD. I've been in some shitty situations...mostly with friends and mainly with men. What has happened before makes me really sad now. What continues to happen makes me feel alone. Cheating, lying, deceiving, ectopic pregnancy. I am tired. I am 31, soon to be 32 on the 23rd...and my heart feels like it's 60. I have never been married, I have no kids, I am in my longest relationship ever where I am treated poorly and am just waiting for my lease to end to finally break things off. I want kids...so badly. I want love...real love...love that is completely unselfish on both ends. Just love. Sometimes I think God is mad at me because I gave up on him for a period of time after I got pregnant. Other times I think I wouldn't be alive without him...and my nephew. I don't know what's going on with me. I am trying to succeed to school again and in life again. Instead I feel unfulfilled and unsuccessful. I am in love...with the thought of someone. It has turned my crush into an obsession. I just want to relax, to rest, and to breathe love into my heart...real love.

[Kat63]

Can you get therapy? Talk therapy and/or meds might help. Also, you said that your crush is an obsession. Google “Love Addicts Anonymous.” That’s a 12-Step program that can really help if you’re anxious around your love life.

[Purpley678 in reply to Kat63]

Thank you. Therapy is a possibility. Meds are not my thing. I will definitely Google that.