Do you ever wonder what people see when they look at you?

[DemureRose]

I’m sure when people look at me they first notice my glasses and think “she’s smart”. They see me doing work in class and assume “she’s studious.” They see me dress in leggings and sweatshirts always “she’s so laidback” They hear me say something sarcastic “she’s rude/honest.” They see me laughing with friends “she’s happy.” They see me out with my family “she has a great life.”

What they don’t know is what’s hidden. Sure I’m smart but I struggle in math & science. Sure I do stuff in class but thats because when I get home I have no motivation. Sure I wear leggings and sweatshirts but that’s because I’m afraid to show my true style and/or I'm exhausted. Sure I’m sarcastic but I’m overcompensating to fit in and make people like me. Sure I have great friends but I don’t feel like I fit in. Sure I have an awesome family but I also have an alcoholic uncle who might potentially break my family.

I just sometimes wish I could wear a sign that has all of that so people know that hey I’m a person too. I have struggles and things I worry about. I overthink and struggle with social anxiety. Don’t think just because I appear chill that I actually am.

[EleanorRose]

Hi DemureRose,

I often wonder what people think of me, I think everyone might wonder from time to time. Sometimes I wonder to almost an obsessional level and I think in my case, and perhaps yours, the wondering is actually caused by my anxiety.

I think the truth is, everyone has things they struggle with and things they don't share with everyone - people aren't always how they outwardly seem. Reminds me of the quote, "Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"

It's tough though, lots of people do just take people at face value and believe what they see. I also think, and it's taken me quite a long time to realise, most people aren't thinking anything about you at all most of the time - as a whole, humans are far more interested in themselves than they are of others. That's not to say there aren't a lot of kind, empathetic, caring people out there, just that people aren't generally 'thinking', as to form a judgement, too much about anyone.

It sounds like you need someone you can be open with though and explain your struggles to. You don't say how old you are but I am guessing by the things you have said, you are still in school. I am now in my late 20s but in my teens/early twenties, I spent a lot of time trying to fit in, wanting people to like me, trying my best to help everyone else and I, mostly, kept my struggles completely secret. In recent years, I have opened up to a few trusted people and it has made my life SO much easier. It is not always easy to find the right person, but you will. I have friends, who I have been friends with most of my life, who I am now very open with but in our teens, they would have been the 'wrong' people.

EleanorRose

[hypercat54 in reply to EleanorRose]

Great reply EleanorRose and just what I wanted to say but you explain it far better. x