had a rough evening

[purl1]

Hi I just need to vent. Last night I kept having bad thoughts. I don't like to use the S word so I just say bad thoughts. I survived the night so that's good. I don't understand why I get those thoughts. I love my family and I know they need me. I feel like I'm always teetering on the edge. My meds seem to be working and I don't want to go on any more. 3 in the am and 1 at night is enough for me. I think it might have something to do with my counselor appt. I was telling him how I don't really do anything all day and I think I feel guilty. like I'm more of a burden on my family. I don't like that feeling. It scares me. My family loves me and I love them. They need me, my kids need me. I have to keep telling myself that. I also need to remember the thoughts will pass. I need strength...

[Tealb]

Sending you my love & stay strong. As you said, your family NEED you & LOVE you!!! Always remember that.

[purl1 in reply to Tealb]

thank you for the kind words. I need all the strength I can get.

[Kat63]

Try to remember that your family loves you, and that if one of them was sick or in pain, you would be there for them -

[purl1 in reply to Kat63]

I definantly try to remember that. They need me. I lost my mom at 16 and it was devastating. I don't ever want to put my kids through something like that especially at my own hand.

[Hidden]

Very good rational thinking to counter the irrational. You are absolutely fundamental to your family as much as each of them is fundamental to you. Love reading a post like this. Open, honest, and keeping composed as you can. You're doing all that you can and I wish all the strength in the world to you. You're doing great, keep it up

[purl1 in reply to Hidden]

thank you for your kind words and strength. I appreciate it.

[JAYnLA]

Like you, when the thoughts come I just call them 'negative thoughts'. I've realized that I don't actually want to go through with it - I just want to know that there's a way out sometimes. Eventually I remember that the way out is through. Thanks for opening up with us.

[purl1 in reply to JAYnLA]

thank you for responding. It means a lot to hear from everyone and to know other people are experiencing the same. guess I need to learn to work through it too.

[purl1]

anxiety is really hight today. having a hard time dealing with it.