My life is a lie

[Purple-Rayne]

Hi. I'm new here and my life is a lie. From the outside my life looks great (family, home, job, friends) but in reality, I struggle every day. I have tried to talk to those closest to me but my feelings are dismissed and I'm told it'll be o.k. So when I feel anxious, I hide it; when I feel panic, I escape; and when I feel depressed, I smile. I give them what they want to see but no one truly sees the real me.

[Agoraphobia39]

Hi...i know exactly what you are feeling. I'm not sure i would call it a lie as much as a mask that you must wear to basically protect everyone else. You have tried to reach out to others like you said, just as i have. They have basically shrugged off your deepest feelings and now its pointless to open up to them so you wear the mask to move on.

I have done the same for years and it has caught up to me in 2019 bad. I am so glad we have this forum so I dont feel alone anymore. I have met some very sweet people here and feel like i can finally be myself and have support like i need.

Feel free to private message me on here anytime you need a true friend. Keep your head up and dont wear a mask here. We love you just the way you are!

[Purple-Rayne in reply to Agoraphobia39]

Thank you so much for the understanding and support. It's easy to feel alone in the world of anxiety and depression especially when others don't really "hear" you. I look forward to being able to Express myself freely and just be me.

[CCRae13]

I know exactly how you feel. In the past I had been very depressed and hid it from everyone I knew, no one knew how bad it was and pretty much all of them still don’t. Even now though I’m in a better place I have a hard time talking to them about it. Either people try to understand and be supportive but don’t know how or they dismiss me as well. Sometimes people also are uncomfortable with it and don’t know how to help you or what to say. I don’t think your life is a lie though all of the things in your life are still your life you just also happen to struggle. I’m sorry you feel dismissed and not understood but it’s ok to struggle and it’s ok to be the real you whoever that happens to be at the time. But if I could speak for everyone we are here and understand you and you and be real here.

[Purple-Rayne in reply to CCRae13]

Thanks CCRAE13. In the past when I have tried to talk about it I have been made to feel like my situation is not that bad, or I just need to move on, or I should feel better than I do; so I really appreciate ther fact that you said it's ok to struggle.

[CCRae13 in reply to Purple-Rayne]

It absolutely is and those people just don’t understand

[scf19]

from the outside looking in, my life from age 13 to now (age 19) seems ordinary, unbothered, and typical of that of a preferably reserved girl. that is what others see but fail to see that this is a shield, a facade to protect me from the judgment of their words say if i ever were to truly reveal myself. i have no choice now though, to come out of hiding, because things have gotten pretty bad over the years i’ve been a pretender (perfect environment for anxiety and it’s unrelenting symptoms to grow btw) and the real and raw me is uncontrollably spilling out at every turn.

sadly, this is the part of me that is the aftermath of years of self-hate which undoubtedly makes it easy to fall back into old fake ways so as to protect myself and hard to move forward with the awareness that you are even more vulnerable now than ever before.

it’s really difficult because as you can imagine, being someone else for so long leaves little to no room for yourself and it’s the sad reality that i have to accept of not knowing and having to figure out the basics of who i am when those my age are on to bigger things.

[Purple-Rayne in reply to scf19]

I definitely understand the pretense and the anxiety it fosters. Thankfully, we are not alone and have the support of this group to help.

[kateba]

It's not really a lie but rather a front you present so they don't know the real truth. People that don't have the anxiety problem just don't understand it so they tend to dismiss it. It would be nice if they could be at least sympathetic. On this site you will find empathy, people that know exactly what you're going through and how difficult it is. A word of advice - it's not good to hold things in, eventually they will come out. I did that years ago and the interesting thing was once it came out many people came to me and said they had a similar experience. Depression and anxiety are much more common than you think.