I can’t do this anymore!

[LiveandLetLive42]

If you looked up lazy in the dictionary my name would pop up. I’m so beyond lazy and it’s totally from depression and anxiety but I can’t do anything! My poor guy works so hard for us and I let the laundry pile up, we order take out because I don’t want to cook or go grocery shopping and basically I’m not doing what a wife should be doing. And it’s gone on for years. It’s to the point that we have no clean clothes. He has been rewearing socks and his feet are getting red and rashy. Why is he with me?? I lay around all day everyday. I’ve tried everything over the years; Therapy, every medication, inpatient, outpatient, TMS, etc. I have moments of feeling better but it’s like holding onto an enormous amount of weight to keep going. Every minute is a fight with this illness. Mentally and physically. The guilt of not doing my part in the relationship is agonizing. I’m getting older now and I’m just drained from a life of depression and anxiety. Yes I absolutely have suicidal thoughts. I’d do it in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for him and my family. I’d love to leave this awful place. What kind of life is this? Just keep fighting, try this, try that, go for a nice walk, blah blah blah. I feel done. After so many years of this, who wouldn’t feel this way?? There’s no cure. And if you want a better life, you have to get out there! I can’t! I did the whole career thing. I’ve tried everything. I honestly don’t know where to go from here.

[ForwardBound]

Are there things/chores you can do outdoors? Plant flowers? Clean windows? Take out the trash? Things that are close to home but still allow you to get fresh air and sunshine.

[LiveandLetLive42 in reply to ForwardBound]

Not really. I used to! But I’ve become so blah over time that my motivation to do anything is nonexistent. I always recommend to people suffering to go for walks, do small chores or get into a hobby, but I don’t feel the umph to do anything. It is just not there 😕

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to LiveandLetLive42]

Me too! When I was first disabled I had cellulitis in one leg and a sprain in the other. It took several weeks to be out of bed. When I could I was so weak that I was useless. I got my MD to prescribe PT. It helps. It was hard to go out, but once I got there it was good.

[LiveandLetLive42 in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

I appreciate your story. I think once I’m in a routine working or whatever, I’ll be ok. Right now I am working on my thoughts. Trying to change them into positive things. And I actually got up today and went on an interview. Omg I’m so exhausted just from that lol

[ForwardBound]

Are there things/chores you can do outdoors? Plant flowers? Clean windows? Take out the trash? Things that are close to home but still allow you to get fresh air and sunshine.

[ChicagoGirl1961]

If you get off the couch and be the homemaker you after capable of being you would likely feel so much better about yourself. Give it a shot for just one day, you can do this for ONE day, then see how much better it makes you feel. You know you can do this, don't choose to do nothing. You have an illness, but you can still choose to be more than you have chosen to do. Give it a chance. Wishing the best for you.

[LiveandLetLive42 in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

Thank you. I have done what you said many times. I’ve pulled myself together and had days where I got stuff done but the anxiety of doing more comes into play. It’s like I know I’m going to feel depressed or anxious anyway, so why bother doing anything? I’m at the point where it’s going to be extremely hard to push me.

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to LiveandLetLive42]

At least we see that we are not alone in this.

[ChicagoGirl1961]

It's worth the effort. I've had points in my life where I felt hopeless, everything felt pointless, and I didn't want to do a thing. The only thing that made feel better was the decision to live life and not let it pass me by. I did things I may not have wanted to but I always felt better for having done them. And meds help. I hope you are seeing a doctor seeking a solution. Don't give up, you've got to have hope to find the motivation to get well.

[LiveandLetLive42 in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

That’s very nice of you girl. I think I need a boost in my brain right now. I need to change it to positive thoughts. Positive thoughts lead to doing positive things. That I do believe. But my brain feels mushy and tired. I’ll keep your advice though 💕

[LiveandLetLive42 in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

Wow I just came across this: Its the Lunar Moon.

The 19th lunar day is considered unlucky due to its negative energy. People produce a negative impact on one another today. Spare your strength to spend the day without getting into trouble. Be careful with everything you say. Do whatever you like best in order to fight off melancholy.

[ChicagoGirl1961 in reply to LiveandLetLive42]

Karma

[Hidden]

I am feeling the EXACT SAME WAY! I feel like I hit rock bottom today when I woke up from a nap with a full blown panic attack. I don’t want to go to work, don’t want to do the things I used to. I am totally new to this board but is there a way we can create a thread to motivate each other to do just one thing every day even though we don’t want to do it? Maybe we can help keep each other accountable to get back into living life again.

[ChicagoGirl1961 in reply to Hidden]

.

[LiveandLetLive42 in reply to Hidden]

Ugh I’m so sorry! It should give you some relief that someone else feels this way and to know it’s real. It’s a very real illness that affects so many people. I love your idea! We can absolutely motivate each other. We can also talk on PM. It’s so important to help one another because we know most of all how they are feeling. X

[ChicagoGirl1961]

I'm my own worst critic so it comes natural to hold myself accountable. At the end of the day we are each accountable to ourselves because we are the ones that decide what we can live with with regard to our own behavior.