Longterm Depression

[negatron]

Hi,

I have had depression for more than ten years now. I have been on four different medications over the years, seen half a dozen counselors, and been on two different diets for alternative medical treatment. I'm deeply discouraged. The medication that I've been on for the last year and a half doesn't seem to be making a dent any more and I cry a lot. I don't have a good social support group and I'm not close with my family. The best thing in my life and the only area I think is going well is my marriage, but that is so strained by my depression. I'm making my husband emotionally exhausted.

There are surgical options like drilling holes in your head and shoving electrical implants in there. That's where I am guys. I feel hopeless. My husband wants me to keep trying different medications, but the side effects, the time it takes for them to work or not work, and the feelings of deep disappointment when it doesn't work out or the feeling that I will never have a cure.... they all make me want to risk the holes in the head just to feel hope.

[faulhallen]

Hello!

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling but I’m glad to hear that your husband has been so supportive. 🙂. I personally know how hard it can be when your spouse doesn’t seem to support or understand you at all.

What all have you tried in terms of actively working on changing your thoughts? I’ve been through counseling, partial hospitalization programs and nearly every antidepressant in existence and at least on a day-to-day level I’ve noticed the biggest change once I decided to take control of my thoughts and try and prevent myself from thinking certain ways, correcting myself if I insult myself, and just in general doing what I can to not dwell on those feelings. The conscious decision of “Ive been miserable and let my depression rule my life for too long” has made a big difference in keeping me from being as bad.

I’m not going to say it’ll fix everything and you will still have your moments. Especially if you let yourself get too exhausted or stressed but it goes a long way.

Look at my last post. It’s about a goose that hates me. I posted it here to make people laugh and my week can best be summarized by that goose and my reaction to it. I could dwell on the fact that it is irritating to have it attack the windows nearly all day long behind me and focus on what’s bad about it, or I could take a picture and video of it, make a meme in an app and try and make people laugh. I’ll work close to 60 hours this week if nothing changes but I think “bring it goose” and smile a bit.

Anyway, goose aside, I have some posts talking about and encouraging people to look take control of their thoughts in the hope that it helps. Usually they’re older and have pictures so feel free to read one or two. Also, if you want extra support I don’t post and reply as much as I used to but I still check my messages and you’re welcome to contact me. I’m sure other people would welcome it as well.

I hope something I’ve said helps even a little bit. It’s been a long week and I’m not entirely at my best. Sorry if it doesn’t. Either way I wish you all the best! 😃