Depression

[Suzhou]

I have been feeling depressed for a couple years now. I have never liked school and I thought it was because of that. All throughout high school I would cry myself to sleep because I would hate life. I would stay up endless hours to finish homework and wake up at 5:20 am to get ready for school. I graduated high school and I thought I would magically become happier but I ended up working all summer and never doing anything else. I decided for university I wanted to leave my country and study abroad for 4 years. I thought a clean slate would be better. So I left everyone I knew, broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and moved. I'm currently in University still at the moment and nothing about life has changed. I'm constantly thinking about not being alive and not wanting to get up at all. There's little parts of life that I enjoy. I'll go out with my friends sometimes and have a good couple hours. But it always seems to not be enough. I've always wanted to be happy in life and I feel like i'm always saying " If I can just do this I'll be happy" "If I just graduate i'll be happy". Nothing seems to be working. I went to therapy when I was younger and had bad experiences, hence why I don't want to go back. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to talk about my feelings to anyone but will always listen to their problems and be there for them. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to feel better about life or how to get rid of my depression. I would also like to hear you guys stories so I know I'm not alone through all this and will it ever get easier.

[Hidden]

Hi, I get that way too. I always need the next thing. It will make me happy, complete and I just want need more to hopefully, finally feel happy. I don't get why we are feeling unfulfilled. Decades have gone by and I am just at the point of, I have done a lot of cool, fun things in my life and I just need to be happy. I probably won't feel it "happy", I probably have been happy a lot and I just don't understand "happy". Probably my ptsd/anxiety/depression making me feel, understanding "happy". I am going to chalk it up to that and just keep doing stuff that makes me want to feel happy, even if I don't feel it, I will still experience stuff. Maybe we are like people who have a stroke and they can't feel, smell, taste, I don't know. Just keep doing what you think makes you happy and you are probably actually "happy."

[richw612]

That is tough. I didn't years thinking that same thing. If I do the next thing it will get better but it never does. I have not been very successful in this but I haven't tried very hard either. I spoke to someone once that have me done advice. He said not to be dependent on events. If you complete things that is great but it doesn't change you. You have to find what makes you feel depressed and what makes you happy. It helps a lot to have support and people that will experience life with you but you can't rely on completing that next event to make you happy. Keep taking to people, support is key.