New here...looking for answers

[Agoraphobia39]

Hi everyone. I came to this site hoping I can find others that actually go through the same things that i do. I have no family or friends that suffer from anxiety to the extent that I have the last year or so and I wish for just ONE person to really understand.

I suffered from depreasion and anxiety in my early 20s while i was in a very emotionally abusive relationship. I was divorced finally in 2011 and by 2013 I was off all meds and doing amazing. I have 3 sons and have been raising them on my own since. I went back to college and got my degree in Psychology last year and I was so excited to finally graduate!

However, a couple of weeks later I passed out while driving and although i was able to get to the side of the road, I am still scared to death. Driving my 14 yr old to school daily is literally terryifing for me. He has no idea how badly I struggle, even though its just 2 miles away from my home.

I have been unable to work and no meds help with my anxiety because as soon as I feel my heart rate drop my anxiety gets even worse. My parents think I'm crazy, just dont come out and say it like that and my boyfriend has to support me and my children. I hate this feeling!

Whats worse is I have severe insomnia now and when I am able to fall asleep, I am not even in a deep sleep, but I can see myself commiting suicide and I dont even have control over it. I am afraid I will hurt myself in my sleep that I am scared to death. Again, nobody seems to understand or get what I feel and it's such a lonely feeling.

I know I have written too much, sorry. I'm just glad to be here, and hopeful I can get through this.

[Red50]

Hi, so sorry your feeling this way. I have felt the same been on antidepressants for 30 years and diazepam for last 5. This is a horrible illness no one understands I used to feel I wish I break a leg or something and then even my own family would notice I’m not well 😢 . Can you not go to your gp and tell exactly how u feel cry scscream cos then sometimes they send support nurses to your home everyday and then they can explain to close family and friends about your illness , hope this helps I’m here if u need me x

[Agoraphobia39 in reply to Red50]

Thank you so much. I would go to my gp but he is too far away right now. I get anxiety going some place that isnt within about 5 miles of my home. I have tried calling but nobody will return my calls. I also only have medicaid insurance...so I'm pretty limited.

[AlyssaJean]

Can you email me at [e-mail] we can exchange numbers I’m in the same boat as you and pushing through it! I’d love to be a friend for you!