I wish no one loved me...

[tppppppp]

...

[Hidden]

Why such a wish? You are worthy of love, forgiveness, and kindness. I'm sure you're going through a rough time and it's tough. Just remember negative thinking provides thoughts like this and they're absolutely false and have zero weight unless we allow them to. It's good that people love you, it's good that you're alive, and it's good that you keep on going....through the hard times...because the good times are ahead as you work through things. Please give yourself a break from how tough you're being on yourself.

[tppppppp in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Pat. I just don't t see any good times ahead. But I do appreciate the words. My kids love me. So does my dog. It's just hard to not love yourself and wish that ppl would stop loving me so I could just disappear. Ya know?

[Hidden in reply to tppppppp]

Absolutely. And I understand what you mean...no love, no need to feel a required presence. Loving ourselves, especially when we're depressed, is really hard. These type of ruts are tough....I find myself in them. I have too many attachments to really consider alternatives, but it's for the best. All you can really do is keep on loving, getting the love, and eventually see through all the shadows that there is some light in there. When you get there, bask in it. Good times can be hard to see when we're in the dark. Navigating in that, a lot feels lost, but if we keep pushing forward, I really think we find the light/good times. I'm glad to hear you aren't going to hurt yourself. While you might be struggling tremendously (if you can, visit a therapist/counselor and talk this out) internally, it's so important to have all this love. It gives purpose. Having read your other post, you're having a rough day with all that you went through in the name of love. I think you should let the mind rest as you've gone through some personal trauma to make your son's day. I know you can't claim this as a huge personal achievement outside of here right now (it's your son's time right now), but speaking to you on a board like this...you really did a great thing today and I want you to know it's okay to feel proud. You took a step, and yes, it might cause depression thinking what you did was little in terms of the bigger picture...but YOU took it.

Sometimes with a day like this, it's good to get some rest and let the emotions simmer. I totally empathize with how you're feeling and know exactly what you mean. Just keep on pushing on in the mean time and I'll always do my best to answer if you need an ear.

[JAYnLA]

Hey TP. Can we deep dive on this for a sec? Why do you feel that way?

[tppppppp in reply to JAYnLA]

All I bring is hurt to those I love. I'm not going to hurt myself. I just wish I could.

[JAYnLA in reply to tppppppp]

Ah yes. I get it. Your mind is lying to you. Think about it. "All you bring is hurt." Well, you don't strike me as an abuser, so that's likely very very inaccurate. When I have thoughts like this, I've come to think they're just about the deep sadness I have that I don't feel normal or up to doing things that I used to do with ease. I'm projecting into the future and seeing nothing but pain, even though it is true the we can actually heal.

[tppppppp in reply to JAYnLA]

I want to believe that. I do. But I see no end game here. None. I'm too scared to harm myself. I just want god to do it for me. That's all. Sorry if this triggers anyone.

[JAYnLA in reply to tppppppp]

Nah, it doesn't trigger me. I've had he exact same thoughts. They pass but SUCK while they're active. I want to put the thought in you head that you aren't looking for an 'end game'. You're working through a process to a better place and toward healing. It is scientifically proven that our brains can change and that we can heal from depression and anxiety. You are not excluded from this fact my friend!

[hypercat54 in reply to tppppppp]

Hi it's pointless waiting for god to end it for you. I know as I have had these thoughts for many years and I am still here. I do sometimes wish I had a very serious illness then it would take any decisions out of my hands, but then I feel very guilty when I see good and worthwhile people who desperately want to live but can't.

You can't know you bring hurt to those who love you unless you ask them, have you? . These are the depression thoughts and they are false so don't believe them. People don't have to love you and if they do it's because they see you as a person deserving of their love and because you give it back. You are ok. x

[Hidden]

Imagines with my happy childhood play in front of my eyes. When time passed and I grew up I was more and more unhappy, with physical manifestation of depression and anxiety. Today I'm lost in this life, feeling that I missed somewhere in the road of life my purpose in this life.