Here we go again..

[ally_99]

This is happening lately and at this point idk what to do. I’ve been crying for the past 10 minutes idk and my body has been so exhausted for 3 hours now and my chest feels so heavy.. my mind is spinning and the thoughts are still there.. saying “give up already.. it’s not worth it” nothing is really wrong in my life, but my mind paints a different picture and I can’t shake it off. I feel like I’m crazy at this point and so tired of living like this.. my body feels like it’s shutting down and I’m not okey anymore.. I leave on vacation to Mexico next week and I’m so not looking forward to it bc of the way I’ve been feeling.. ik I’m not going to enjoy it as much as I want to bc I haven’t gone since I was 6 yo.. it breaks every piece in my body that I don’t really have any support or I just don’t know how to open up to anyone besides here bc I feel no judgement and everyone is going through something on here.. I’m also having trouble breathing and my heart keeps beating fast and I feel so hot yet cold.. I really want to get better this is killing everything in me.. 😞

[Mumma_h]

This is depression sweetheart, it's not your fault!! Nothing you're doing or not doing. Sometimes crying it all out can be a good thing , don't be hard on yourself or try to figure it all out at once . Severe depression doesn't just go away because of a vacation or something else , but anything that brings even the tiniest bit of joy is a good thing because it helps repair the brain and even though you won't feel happiness straight away it contributes to our healing and kind of perpetuates itself, hope that makes sense . Hope is so important too, even just knowing that it's possible to get better helps the healing process. Sometimes I love a good pity party , lol, stuff it ! If it helps my healing then I don't even care what people think . Depression is atrocious!!!!!! 😘😘😘😘😘

[ally_99 in reply to Mumma_h]

Ik it’s getting worse bc I want to distance myself from everyone. I just want to go away somewhere by myself but ik I can’t do that (financially) I hope to soon. I’ll probs be better in the morning and hopefully throughout the day, but it’s when it hits night time that I’m scared of bc that’s when the depression mood swings start creeping up.. I think what’s causing this is how I can’t trust anyone or mostly my bf.. ik why but idk if it’s my mind overthinking everything or if it’s someone real and my mind is warning me in a way..