Feeling afraid again......

[Tjgg]

I started to feel afraid again. Everything started because of a little bump I felt in my arm the other day. It's nothing alarming, I can actually be a mosquito bite, but my mind is telling me something else. I'm just afraid to go back to the place I was before. I think I was doing very well, but not this. I don't want to go back to the "dark place " to that state of mind where everything was dark and sad.

[Hidden]

Don't go there, you are safe. You are just triggered, you are attaching everything familiar to that frightful, traumatic event, feeling to any and all events, even to the touch, feel, smell. Anything that could be familiar to that horrific event. That event that your mind had no familiar, familiar defense to attach it to. Now your mind has to understand, accept that horrific action. Your mind is fighting it. No one wants to accept that. That is horrific behavior, why should you accept that. So we try mask it, bury it deep, way down deep in our minds. Alcohol, pills, diversions, healthy, not healthy coping methods. Some people even chosing to become bullies, predators. Some how, someway familiar to that new normal, that is "F'd up". Thankfully most people don't do that however most of us go with the victim approach. We refuse to accept that behavior, that unspeakable, that what just happened behavior. We replay it over and over, attaching it to familiar feelings, touch, smell, anything close to that unattachable feeling. We will not accept that behavior in our mind. Unfortunately, we have to. It is the only way to heal. We don't let it become us, we don't become a bully, a predator. We don't become a victim! We accept the yuk and we become a advocate, a member of the yuk society. We unfortunately are not the first and most likely won't be the last to have experienced this horrific action. You are safe, you are okay, you are normal. Everything has changed, it happened. You did not ask for this, it just happened. Accept and move forward. Your mind will heal, accept, understand and not be scared, frightened of every little bump, hint of ouch, yuk of that event anymore. Accept, be aware and don't be a victim or bully. You are safe, you are okay, you are normal, you are not alone. Keep writing, keep posting, let it out.

[Tjgg in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your words. They mean a lot