Trying so hard to beat this depression

[Mumma_h]

Hi all, I'm going to be very open here, but it's scary! I've done quite well most of my life , trying to do all the right things but I've had lots of trauma , child hood sexual abuse , domestic violence marriage and more . But I've always kind of got on with things and didn't think the childhood abuse affected me much because I know there was no wrong on my part. But I've had a(mostly) secret crutch , marijuana. I think it masked my pain. I suffered extreme depression a few years ago but somehow , I'm not sure why , I got better. It's back and I'm fighting it but I have been drinking a lot, no one really knows. It makes me feel good and happy but have decided to quit both , I want to be well!!! I'm so ashamed and embarrassed and wondering if I should just go up the shops for a drink or not . Has anyone else here quit something and how did they feel down the track , did it help to quit ? I'm so ashamed, no one knows cos I don't go out and party , im quiet and don't get blind drunk but it has to be a problem

[brokenlight]

Being open and talking about our personal experiences can be so challenging... you are very brave.

I too have been affected by childhood sexual abuse & a marriage involving trauma & DV.

I feel for you.

Marijuana has been a crutch for me too... and also beneficial when used medicinally vs recreationally.

Taking breaks for days or months at a time has been helpful & staying mindful/reflective of your choices is necessary.

No need to feel ashamed. We all have shit in our closets.

Try to be gentle with yourself.

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey.

We are Warriors.