Really just to vent.

[JayFaye]

I’ve been having a really hard time dealing with some things in my life. Lately or well almost for the past year it’s like this thing keeps coming up in my head, and it gives me the worst anxiety, and depression. I’m constantly worried and wondering if it’s me.

So I’ve dated the same guy on and off. Since the summer of 2014. We’ve always seemed to end up right back together even taking about a year and a half break from one another. Dated other people, and even both got engaged, but his was already broke off, but when we reconnected and became friends again I just knew mine was wrong, and then I found out the guy had been cheating for months. So we ended things, and I ended up right back in his arms.

Things were super difficult to say the least. I don’t think things had ever been easy ever with us. Turned out he was seeing someone else I guess. He ended up not being able to deal with my anxiety and depression. He had never really been able to. So we split up back New Years of 2018. Stayed friends we learned to be best friends with one another.

Then a few months later his birthday comes. The girl he was talking to who he’d cheated on me with showed her true colors. I was the one there helping make his birthday better. I ended up staying that night, and then back every night since except a few when I had to go to my dads when he was gone for a week or so.

Things seemed great. We were doing good, and happy. Never put a label on it, but it was just us. Then one night at the bar drinking. My best friend got drunk, and let a big secret slip to me. (She has been acting really weird with me a few days before so I was lost anyway. See we live with her and her husband that’s how I met my boyfriend he was the husbands best friend. She was mine.) anyway. She got drunk and wanted to tell me her secret. I thought I knew. I knew he had sent pictures and videos, and she sent them back. So I told her I know he sent you stuff. She’s like no That’s not it.

Turns out my best friend had a threesom with the guy I’ve been all about for years, and her husband. Said it was to try and make a baby because they have trouble. She told both her husband and him that the next day she had snapped my boyfriend telling him she just wanted to see what it was like with him.

I seriously broke down because more info kept coming out. I just kept trying to push it to the back of my mind. I know more than she thinks because he told and showed me. I know him and I weren’t together the time it happened, but I start freaking out wondering if he still has feelings for her no matter how much he try’s to reassure me. I hate when they get close to one another. I just I guess really uncomfortable anymore.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over it. I try to just laugh at the jokes of it. I try to make my own. I try not to let them see how depressed it makes me, and how anxious I get over it all even now.

Sorry for the long post guys. It’s just been really driving me insane, and it’s helping cause my anxiety to go through the roof lately.

[Mumma_h]

Hi jayFaye, sorry to hear your predicament. Could you try talking to your guy and ask him if he sees you 2 being wholly committed to each other . I can only speak from my own experience, yours may be different, but I stayed with my man for 20 years ( with break ups inbetween though) and though I loved him very much and he loved me sometimes , it wasn't enough. Although we have 4 beautiful children together that are my whole life , I don't think he was the man for me . I never got any respect from him, and I became a nothing to him. What I'm trying to say is that although you may love him and he may love you , it may not be the best thing for you . I wish I married a good man , with morals , because he destroyed me. You deserve someone you can trust , and who sincerely cares about you, just ask yourself if this is the guy. You sound like you have good morals and you deserve to be with someone like that too.Because of the lack of respect I endured I ended up in a deep depression that was horrific. Our children are so upset with him they don't want to talk to him and it makes me sad. I didn't end up with the life I thought I'd have, growing old together with grandchildren ..... your guy could be totally different to mine , I don't know ,and relationships can fail regardless. Just wanted to say this to give you something to think about as you deserve happiness as I did , I just picked the wrong person, my life may have been different ❤️