Strategies for Overthinking and Obsessing in Romance

[luckieladycc]

Hi! I am new here and looking for support and exchanges. It’s my first time in a forum in a while, so I’ll share what I had in mind and see where things go. Thank you for your responses.

I find that the more tired I am, the more anxious I get. And my anxiety manifests itself in several ways. One is overthinking, especially in matters of the heart where I am unsure how someone feels towards me or feel unrequited. I’ll scroll

Social media, research their patterns, wonder what they are doing when we are apart, and more. If I can’t access social media, I look for clues in their body language and behaviors.

All of this is exhausting, but it takes over to a degree when I’m tired and stressed. This leads to living in a fictitious future.

My strategies thus far include:

-journaling over posting to social media...pouring my thoughts into a safe place

-taking a nap before making decisions

-eating a meal or protein snack to counter the energy depletion

-working to find mentally intensive things that demand full attention and try to pull my focus to a healthy project or goal (puzzles, reading, friends)

Even with these, I still struggle at times to break the spiral. Right now I’ve been focused on winning the love and attention of a man for several years. I knew when I met him that I was done for. But I did not realize he was immature and a player. We work super close together and he says just enough things that lead me on, but without action. This teasing makes things tough. And there is no out right now in terms of work. He’s my focus. His life and mine are intertwined, yet separate too. And when he dates, it kills my anxiety and ramps up my spirals.

How have others broken these unhealthy cycles? Any advice for a frustrated lady? Oh, and the idea of ‘just giving up on him,’ sounds super in theory, but has proven hard in practice. I need steps that will redirect that energy when this starts, helps me see why it starts, and refocus.

Thank you for reading and sharing.

[fauxartist]

I think when we try to control too much of what goes on in our life, especially the actions of others, or events etc.....we can often get disappointed, let down, frustrated, anxious, and the constant rumination of any situation we may face is exhausting....sometimes we have to learn to live and let live....do our thing and then let life take it's course. Otherwise we will just have that hamster wheel in our head going full tilt and not really able to enjoy life and what life brings to those that wait.....best wishes....

[rtscd8]

Hi @luckieladycc. Been there. On all of it actually. It sounds like you have some really healthy channels for dealing with this set up. That's a huge win. And I know these things are easier said than done, but you're doing a lot of good things that can help. Have you considered talking it through head on? Either with him or maybe a counselor. I know for myself, I have a tendency to make things much bigger and scarier in my head when I'm struggling with anxiety, but if I just deal with them directly, I'm much calmer knowing it's "out of my head". Praying for you!