I wish i could make a deep friendship

[eu9919]

Hi, I am new here. I have been feeling dreadful for the past weeks as my anxiety getting worse and out of hand. I have started to avoid even family events and even my own siblings. When I meet people my mind and heart start to close off and there will be nothing to say. I feel restless and hopeless too because I felt that everyone else having fun except myself. Why..I could not connect with anyone and soon they loose interest in me...

[mixed-emotions]

Is there a reason you "need" to go to family events? Are you close with your siblings? Does anyone know what you are going through?

[eu9919 in reply to mixed-emotions]

My brother called it family event hence if I don't have much more important event to attend or do its best i am there...if not what will he have to explain to family when they ask why i am not there. We live apart for more than 10 years, stay in different countries and since we have our own probs rarely stay in touch. Only parents and my brother but he told me i am too negatives and its all in my head, so i should fight it.

[mixed-emotions in reply to eu9919]

I personally don't go to anything I don't want to go. I have learned to recognize some triggers of mine and learned to not let family negativity effect my health and happiness. I do have some struggles still but for a good 6/7 years I have noticed a difference once I separated myself from that. Any questions I used to get which I don't anymore because my responses were " Because I didn't want to go", "I'd rather stay home" and even "I need positivity in my life, not your judgement".

Someone telling me that I'm negative I just removed myself from them until I could respond in a clear and firm manner with nothing but truthfulness.