Some days I wish I had someone who knew all my issues and helped me through them with no judgement. Who didn’t get annoyed or frustrated. Who tried to secretly make my life easier. Someone who knew how to help me relax before I even realized I needed to.
I wish I had someone who would offer to order for me at a restaurant so that I wouldn’t have to spend 45 minutes rehearsing it. I wish I had someone who would see when I finished my test and time it so they could make sure I didn’t have to worry about getting in front of the class. I wish I had someone who would just help me through everything.
None of my friends know the full truth of my anxiety. It was easier for me to say that I was anti-social, a homebody and socially awkward. Even though I love talking to people, going out with my family and am quite charismatic. But all of that depends on how my anxiety is going. They don’t know that usually halfway through our get togethers I reach a point where I WANT to go home so bad I feel nauseous. They don’t know. And I’m scared to tell them. I’m scared they will treat me different. That they will walk on egg shells around me. I just sometimes wish I knew that they would be wholeheartedly into making me feel welcome.
But they’re 17 year olds. They have their own issues. I get it. The last thing they need is a friend who has a socially debilitating mental illness.
But that one person. God I wish I had that person.