Self-Harm

[ColdJellyFish]

*Trigger Warning*

When I was in 5th grade, I started breaking things out of pleasure and anger. Eventually, I started using the object I had broken to cut my hands and arms. This went on until my mom found out. Then, she started doing body checks, which I hated. I started again in 6th grade, but this time on my ankles. I eventually stopped out of guilt. In 7th grade, I had a few mishaps. Then, I was doing amazing up until I reached college. This is when I did it the worst. I cut my thighs up so bad and there are so many scars. Well, last night, I did it again. I made one cut on my wrist before I stopped myself. I was feeling out of control and like I needed to do something before I exploded. When I did it, I calmed down so much. I was able to breathe and fall asleep.

The thing about cutting is that it is addictive. I know that no matter what I will always have an urge to go back to it. It calms me in an instant. I had someone tell me that self harm is sometime about control. I get that. I want to be in control of my own pain. When I cut, often I am feeling like I am losing it and have no control of my feeling or how my body feels. It is like a release of tension that has been building up for a long time. While I am doing it, though, I am not thinking about control at all. I am thinking about release.

I know that this is unfortunately a common habit that people have and I am not alone in this. I just wish it was talked about more. It seems that whenever cutting is discussed, it is in a negative matter (such as attention seeking). I get scared to tell people because a lot of them judge you. My mother and ex used to get mad at me for it. Other people are so shocked that they don't know what to think and of course, I have all these horrible, paranoid thoughts in my head of what they are thinking. I wish this was something that wasn't so frowned upon and instead looked at as someone needing help.

[LivingOxymoron]

I suggest using the energy in cutting towards paper, clay, or painting. Creating art is a great way to express a sense of releasing tension, instead of self harm

[Princesa_100]

Good grief this post was hard to read because of all the self-harm. I feel so sad that you are going through all that. There's a better way to cope hon, as you already know. I understand its an addiction and I pray that you find healing. Buzz me if you want to chat.

Love and blessings.

Sincerely,

Thinking of you

[Hidden]

I dont self harm but this made it much more relatable. I can totally understand the control element. I hope you are getting help and support for this, because it is dangerous and a sign that you are not managing. x