Hello.: Hi! I’m 27 and I’ve had anxiety... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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greengoatgirl profile image
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Hi! I’m 27 and I’ve had anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD since I was about 13. I have a boyfriend who’s supportive, but doesn’t “get it” and that can be super frustrating. What can I do to help him understand how to help me without getting into a shouting match (okay, I do most of the shouting...after I’ve bottled things up for weeks/months)?

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greengoatgirl profile image
greengoatgirl
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5 Replies
NanmieJavie profile image
NanmieJavie

Hello. I just read your post and I wanted to say about my experience with depression and anxiety. Is when I feel frustrated at myself or anyone around me I lose it. I have a small son and when I either cry or yell at my parents or give my son the strict look (since I can’t yell at him, as he’s autistic and my parents want me to be careful with my attitude around him) he’ll join along with me crying or holding me which he does all the time. He’ll hold my hand or my leg looking up at me with sad eyes and about to tear up, I sometimes move away from him and he’ll continue coming towards me. It seriously breaks my heart when my little angel comes to stay beside me I’ll just let out my tears hugging him tightly. Asking myself why me? Why me of all people that I had to lose it? And I know from my heart god sent me my little muted boy just four years ago into my life

BonnieSue profile image
BonnieSue

Hi greengoatgirl,

I hear your frustration and I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I have 3 sons with ADD/ADHD, my husband had it, I might be ADD myself according to my psychiatrist, and I do understand a lot about it. It's a tough, challenging thing to live with for everyone involved. It interferes with almost every aspect of your life.

Off the top of my head I can suggest that you do a search for your boyfriend on "symptoms of ADD/ADHD" and present the list and descriptions to him. Better yet, would he be willing to do the search himself? Then he could move on to another search for ways that both the ADD/ADHD person compensates for the problems on the list and how people close to the person need to learn to cope with those same problems. It's a start. There's a huge amount of research and literature on this subject. Hopefully he finds some of that good information.

I'm here if you have more you want to vent, say or ask. Take care.

Hugs, Love, and Blessings...

fauxartist profile image
fauxartist

first off....he won't get it if he does not have it.....no one can understand this disease like another person that has it too. So just calmly and when you have time, explain this to your boyfriend...that he cannot fix you, and this is not your fault, you don't want to feel this way, but there is no cure, just management. And that when you are going through those dark days to just be there, be supportive, but don't be critical because it just makes things worse for you, and if he loves you....just leave you be but let you know he is there for you.

pink318 profile image
pink318

Hi greengoatgirl,

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time. While reading your post, it reminded me of my friend who is also going through the same experience. Most of the time, she argues with her husband because she also thought that she is alone and she cannot feel his support. Their marriage is at risk because of my friend’s depression so both of them decided to get join a support group whom they can share their daily struggles. The encouragement and sharing in the group has been a big help in managing their situation.

I hope you and your boyfriend can also join a group that can help you to feel better.

I pray that you can get the support you need. Please update us. God bless.

Tikirob profile image
Tikirob

I learned it’s really hard to teach a person to get it. non anxiety driven people just don’t have the same intuition. So I think it’s easier to either accept that the person doesn’t get it or create good boundaries with the person so that they do not add frustration to your anxiety. This is not to say that he can’t be helpful and compassionate of the two of you can’t try to make it work but for me and my ex a bit of distance was helpful in dealing with my disorder.

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