I am trying to find some local help. I know I need it, but it is increasingly hard to care, about myself, about anything. I doubt this will get better on it's own.
I have no family, no friends and no-one that really cares or will help. No car, a meaningless job on the graveyard shift and I... I don't know how to get out of this. How to get, up...out.... I am worried about myself. Very worried.
Sounds like you are very little ely and feel abandoned?
ely?
Abandoned, yes.
I meant to say you must be lonely. I often feel shocked and scared knowing I have no family support or few friends.
Oh, very much so. Constant stress from that actually, I literally have no place to go if anything happens to endanger my rent situation. Which is on a very tight budget with no wiggle room at all. For just a room in a semi-rural area.
If I may ask a few questions? Are you looking for counseling/treatment or help getting around like to the grocery store? Do you live in a city with public transportation? Is social anxiety a problem for you because I was thinking of suggestions to meet some people.
I am looking for treatment, I work at a grocery store so groceries are covered. Nearest public transit is about an hour walk, social anxiety is an issue. Takes me awhile to really trust people, but I see a need for socialization, just cannot get to anything to even try to make friends.
You can locate treatment providers on that website.
That's a good place to meet people with like minded interests.
Try not to be so hard on yourself to begin with, and try to focus on all the blessings you do have...TIME...you have so much time and can do whatever you wish with it, so try and focus a day at a time. Plenty of successful people started in your shoes... it’s just how you act on your situation. There’s nothing wrong with working a graveyard shift. There’s also the fact that you’re working and earning your money honestly, no one can take that away from you. Many people wish they had a job but can’t. You also have the blessing of waking up one more day. Try and focus on the positive. Take pride in what you do, even if it seems meaningless, be good at what you do and the rest will follow.
It is the thankfulness of those things that keeps me breathing. My concern is that I can feel my grip on that sliding, not wholly rationally, but living on the edge for a sustained period with no way to get some breathing room is stressful and I know from past experience that often when stressed I can self-sabotage without even consciously realizing it.
I am hoping to avoid that either improving my lot a bit for some breathing room and/or finding some program I can access to help me not fall apart from within.
If that makes any sense.
Free write
Given responses, I am careful to write
Keep writing 
There are no words to even write a title to cover it all. 
New to this. Not sure what to write.
